There he is again, the $11 billion Bitcoin whale-crypto’s answer to a human calculator with a pathological hatred of joy. This time, he’s opened a $235 million short position, because what says “I love the market” better than betting $2.6 million of someone else’s money that it’ll fail? 🐳💥 Tariffs? Government shutdowns? Just a Tuesday for this guy.
Shorting Bitcoin at 10x leverage is like betting your firstborn on a coin flip, but with more spreadsheets. At $111,190 per BTC, our aquatic titan is now teetering on the edge of a $2.6 million “oopsie” if the price cracks $112,368. Hypurrscan says it’s a “liquidation event,” but I call it a midlife crisis with crypto.
A week ago, this same whale cashed in $200 million from the last crash, presumably to buy a yacht named “I Told You So.” Now he’s back, shorting again like it’s his job description. Arkham’s X post says he moved $30M to Hyperliquid-because nothing says “confidence” like betting against your own success. 🤷♂️
And let’s not forget the $540 million Bitcoin shuffle. $220 million to Coinbase? That’s not a transfer; that’s a prenup for a divorce from the market. Meanwhile, the whale’s been moonwalking into Ethereum, briefly out-ETH-holding Sharplink. CryptoMoon’s Sept. 1 report calls it a “rotation,” but I call it a desperate pivot to avoid admitting he’s just bad at this.
Analyst Willy Woo blames these dormant whales for Bitcoin’s August slump. Fair. If you’re going to nap for months and then sell $5B worth of BTC, at least text “I’m fine” first. But hey, nothing says “healthy market” like a four-day drop to $104K. Glassnode says it’s “speculative capital” taking over. Translation: gamblers with no skin in the game. 🃏
New whales? They’re currently down $6.95 billion, because nothing bonds people like shared misery. CryptoQuant’s X post calls it the “largest unrealized loss since Oct 2023.” Let’s hope they’re not also short on patience. Or oxygen. Or basic life skills.
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2025-10-21 23:13