Ladies and gentlemen, step right up! The crypto circus is in town, and Bitcoin is prancing its way back above $3 trillion market cap like a lion wearing roller skates. Everybody’s bullish! (Except your neighbor Dave, but he still thinks Dogecoin is a breed of dog.) Bitcoin’s price leaps past $97,000—somewhere, a hedge fund manager is sweating through his suit.
Yet with all this fanfare, Bitcoin is basically loitering around the $100K mark, like a teenager outside 7-Eleven, waiting for someone to buy him a Slurpee. The whales are splashing around, long-term hodlers are grinning, and the exchange reserves look so low you’d think they’re on a diet. Classic supply squeeze: too much demand, not enough supply—it’s déjà vu, but with more zeroes. And just when you think we’re off to the moon, here comes crypto vet Peter Brandt, waving charts and shouting, “Watch the parabolic slope!” Which, in plain English, means: if Bitcoin climbs above this magic curve, it’s ATH time. Pop the champagne! 🥂
Peter’s got the receipts—historical charts! In 2021, Bitcoin danced up a giant parabola, and now everyone’s hoping for a sequel. Prognosis: if Bitcoin can hustle back onto the curve, it could rocket to between $125K and $150K by September 2025. But wait—plot twist! The analysts say there could be a 50% crash right after the new all-time high. Oy vey! Hold onto your wallets, folks.
Why doom and gloom after all-time highs? It’s that old vaudeville act: open interest! Right now, the “longs” are getting cocky, paying the “shorts” and flexing their muscles. But the open interest is still negative, which is like playing poker with cards taped to your forehead—everyone knows something’s up.
Coinanalyze says the funding rate’s so negative it’s auditioning for Les Misérables. Short sellers are lurking, making everyone nervous—like the IRS at a Bitcoin convention. Unless the US dollar spontaneously combusts, prepare for turbulence! The next price move is anybody’s guess; will it soar, or will gravity get bored and pull everything back down? Stay tuned—same bat-time, same bat-channel! 🦇📉🚀
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2025-05-01 20:54