Bitcoin Rockets to All-Time High as US & China Flirt Over Trade Talks – Details Will Shock You! 🚀🤑

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Oh darling, Bitcoin has once again donned its glitzy party frock, sashaying up to an intraday and five-day high of $97,650 in the wee hours of May 7, somewhere in Asia—one likes to think Hong Kong, if only for the drama. The enthusiasm was palpable, champagne corks practically flying, until Bitcoin remembered it had laundry to do and promptly demurred back to $96,500. Apparently, $94K is the new “no entry” velvet rope in this most exclusive of clubs.

A $4,000 leap in twelve hours, only to trip on its own shoelaces—one does adore a little suspense. Still, up is up, and our dear Bitcoin currently sits a charming 2.3% higher, which is more than one can say for last year’s party hats. The mood is perking up, Federal Reserve interest rates be damned—who lets central banking interfere with a soiree, anyway?

Whispers of International Romance: US-China Talks

Now, the real gossip: It appears the market’s fluttering heart was sent aflutter by whispers that America and China may snuggle up for high-level trade talks in the neutral Swiss Alps. Geneva, no less—because what says “commitment issues” like expensive chocolate and diplomatic neutrality?

Late on May 6, both nations—through representatives with names that sound like characters in an off-Broadway musical—announced a rendezvous for the weekend. Scott Bessent and Jamieson Greer of the US side, He Lifeng for China—oh, how international relations brings people together over overpriced hotel breakfasts.

“Thanks to POTUS, the world has been coming to the US, and China has been the missing piece—we will meet on Saturday and Sunday to discuss our shared interests,” trilled Mr. Bessent on X.

Bessent, never one to leave drama unexplored, declared tariffs and trade barriers “unsustainable.” No one’s talking divorce here—just a heavily segregated marital bed and the pursuit of “fair trade.”

Thanks to @POTUS, the world has been coming to the US, and China has been the missing piece—we will meet on Saturday and Sunday to discuss our shared interests.

The current tariffs and trade barriers are unsustainable, but we don’t want to decouple.

What we want is fair trade.

— Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent (@SecScottBessent) May 6, 2025

The Chinese Commerce Ministry, not to be outdone, confirmed the meeting with language so careful one wonders if they feared stepping on diplomatic Lego pieces. They finally agreed after “carefully evaluating”—presumably over several strong teas and a humble-brag or two.

“The Chinese side carefully evaluated the information from the US side and decided to agree to have contact with the US side after fully considering global expectations, Chinese interests, and calls from US businesses and consumers,” simpered their spokesperson, probably with a dramatic sigh for effect.

Wendy Cutler, ex-US trade maestro, called the shindig an “important opportunity.” One suspects it’s important in the same way as reorganizing one’s cufflinks—a necessary evil. She cautioned it would all take time. Spoiler: Nothing involving tariffs, mid-level bureaucrats, and hotel croissants happens quickly.

This diplomatic dance takes place while anxious American markets fret about the price of washing machines and those darling imported sofas. Who suffers most? Why, the consumer, naturally—the only party not invited to the ballroom.

Meanwhile, Back in Crypto-Land…

Bitcoin and friends have received a tonic from a wilting US dollar, which has slumped more than a debutante with too-tight shoes. Still, the total crypto market cap remains flat at a mere $3.08 trillion—one struggles not to yawn in the face of such modesty.

Ethereum was seen aspiring to an intraday high of $1,845, though “heavy resistance” has it stuck in place like an actor on a sticky stage. As for other altcoins, the likes of Cardano, Chainlink, Bitcoin Cash, and, heavens, even Litecoin put on their best performances, with Litecoin enjoying a 10% leap. Someone buy that coin a congratulatory martini, please!

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2025-05-07 08:42