Bitcoin Nearly Hits ATH While ETH Time-Travels to 2021-Markets Gone Berserk! 😱

Oh, look-Bitcoin has decided to puff its chest out yet again, waddling to within a hair’s breadth of an all-time high and preening like a prize bantam at the county fair. Prices clipped $122,200 for the briefest of flirtations before slinking back to a perfectly respectable $121,600, at which point brokers reached for gin and commentators reached for synonyms for “meteoric.”

Chart that looks suspiciously like an ECG after a double espresso

The avowed raison d’être for this latest adrenaline jab? Apparently, Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin were rumoured to be sharing a cordial Diet Coke next week, giving world peace-and, naturally, digital tulips-the merest prospect of a handshake. Nothing cements a bull run like geopolitical gossip. Meanwhile, the US CPI numbers toddle in tomorrow to remind everyone that even in utopia, rent is still due.

Thus Bitcoin, market cap now a rotund $2.42 trillion, has leap-frogged Meta and is presently eyeing Amazon’s shoes from below. Dominance at 58% implies the altcoins are still the supporting cast in this costume drama, though the chorus line grows cheekier by the hour.

Ethereum’s Grand Debut (Again)

Lest you worry that BTC is hogging the footlights, Ethereum shimmied past $4,300-a price unseen since the heady, NFT-drenched days of 2021. Up 44% in only a month, like an undergraduate who discovers absinthe for the first time, ETH has acquired a market cap of $520 billion, thereby hoicking Netflix and Mastercard into the “old economy” bargain bin. There were audible gasps in certain Mayfair drawing rooms.

Heat map that resembles the sun itself having a hot flush

The wider altcoin menagerie gamboled about with reckless glee: XRP politely tacked on 3%, Litecoin a cheery 4%, HYPE 6%, and-proving that nomenclature is destiny-CRO up 7%. ENA managed a theatrical 10%. Meanwhile, minor losers like PI, TAO, and something called TRUMP sulked in the corner like latecomers to a garden party where the champagne ran perilously thin.

And so the entire crypto bazaar tips the scales at $4.14 trillion, a figure so boggling that even the Bank of England’s oldest gin-soaked bean-counter dropped monocule first into his sherry. As always, the wise observer remains half-terrified and half-infatuated, much like a debutante on her third glass of Veuve. Onwards to the next cliff, darlings-try not to spill your drink. 🍸📈

Bitcoin Nearly Hits ATH While ETH Time-Travels to 2021-Markets Gone Berserk! 😱

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2025-08-11 12:57