Bitcoin Jumps After US Payroll News, but Is Your Boss Still Yelling at You?

Unemployment’s at 4.2%, again. What a shocker! The economy’s humming, everyone’s talking about jobs, and you—yeah, you—are still avoiding eye contact with your boss in the breakroom. Nothing’s changed! Amazing. 👀

Wall Street acted like they just discovered free bagels: S&P 500 futures up 1.13% before anyone even finished their coffee. The news is “upbeat,” so apparently we can all relax—unless you’re the kind of person who worries about the Federal Reserve like it’s your ex checking your Instagram stories. What will they do with rates? Will they, won’t they… who knows! 💸

And then there’s Bitcoin, the drama queen of finance. It shot up to $97,106 in thirty minutes. You blink, you miss it, you cry. Market cap: $1.92 trillion, small change! Daily trading volume? Just under $30 billion, which—let’s be honest—is more than we’d all like to admit spending on takeout this year. All this because people suddenly stopped panicking about a recession. Give them five minutes, they’ll panic again.

Oh, and Bitcoin’s supply? It’s at 19.85 million, edging closer to that magical 21 million cap like it’s struggling to find parking at the mall. This scarcity narrative—same old story. If the economy keeps pretending it’s fine, maybe Bitcoin keeps going up. Or maybe not. Don’t ask me—ask your brother-in-law who “just got into crypto.” He knows EVERYTHING. 🤑

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2025-05-02 16:24