Bitcoin Faces the Summer Slumpocalypse: 5 Reasons July Might Ruin Your Crypto BBQ 🍔📉

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To the great cosmic amusement of wallets everywhere, Bitcoin has decided that personal growth is overrated and has taken a leisurely nosedive—roughly 10% down—from its former Everest-esque high ground. At some miraculous hour that only matters to night-owl traders and coffee-addicted bots, BTC even flirted innocently with “five figures,” just to see if anyone would notice (spoiler: everyone did).

Despite the unshakeable faith of institutional investors (also known as people who wear suits even on Zoom calls), analysts are peering into their particularly moody tea leaves and suggesting that, yes, July could get even dumpier. Analyst Benjamin Cowen bravely declared, “Let’s do what we do every year: panic slightly in mid-June, brace for impact, and wait for Q3 to trip over its own metaphorical shoelaces.” This is allegedly tradition, a strange ritual that seems to involve complaining vigorously and showing lots of charts.

Cowen, with the poise of someone who’s spent far too much time staring at blinking candlesticks, believes August or September will reveal the next proper trough. He has data. Loads of data. Most of it involving arrows pointing down.

Bitcoin Q3 Bearishness: Repetition Is Its Own Punchline 🍋

As the blockchain turns, so too do the quarterly moods. Other analysts have flung meticulously annotated charts onto the internet, all echoing the same cosmic joke—June and July, year after year, are basically the crypto equivalent of stepping on rakes. Q3 historically wears the bear costume, but with enough flair that everyone still expects a dramatic reversal in time for holiday gift buying.

I’ve told YouTube—repeatedly, almost apologetically—that #Bitcoin gets stage fright right around mid-June, and Q3 comes on strong, like a cousin who eats all your snacks then ruins the party. Been an annual occurrence, really.
I suspect the next calamitous thrill ride sails by August/September.
— Benjamin Cowen (@intocryptoverse) June 23, 2025

The crystal balls say: “Soon, Bitcoin will return to its ‘bull market support band,’ which even non-bulls secretly enjoy, probably somewhere in the mid-$90k range.” Cowen wouldn’t lie. He has the charts to prove it.

Need a quick recap through the annals of pain? In 2017, BTC fell 35% in this period, then remembered it had somewhere to be and rocketed up in December. In 2019: down 27%. 2021: minus 25%—bulls weeping, bears giddy. Then 2022 threw in a 38% drop for good measure, while 2024 politely settled for just 21%. The Summer Slump is now more reliable than public transport.

If this year repeats the ritual, we’re looking at the tantalizing prospect of $80,000 (give or take the price of a luxury sandwich) after a 30% mid-year trim. Who doesn’t love a discount?

And for those who believe in chart magic, Peter Brandt, a self-declared “chart guru” and part-time metaphor enthusiast, has spotted the elusive “four red rooster” pattern—several big red candlesticks in a row, which sounds delicious but turns out to mean unalloyed misery for optimists.

Seriously, it’s the same every year: June-July, Bitcoin gets the blues, and by August we’re all wondering if we should have just bought tulips instead.
— Benjamin Cowen (@intocryptoverse) June 23, 2025

Weekly Close: Awkward Family Dinners and Other Disappointments

BTC finished last week hanging sheepishly under $104,400. It had treated this price as solid ground for weeks before finally caving in like a dodgy soufflé. Analyst ‘Rekt Capital’ (whose name is, honestly, a lifestyle) notes we are “on the cusp of potentially breaking down here.” It’s the sort of phrase you say before deleting an app and buying a therapy dog.

As of now, after catching its breath at $98,480, Bitcoin is crawling back toward $102,000—a comeback story that inspires precisely no one. The coin still lags about 8% below the June high, quietly reflecting on its life choices.

Meanwhile, geopolitical plot twists abound. MN Fund’s Michaël van de Poppe pointed out that Iran is apparently closing the Strait of Hormuz for extra global drama, and if all this risk persists, “don’t expect risk-on assets like BTC to play nice.” He calls it “capitulation,” which is analyst-ese for “everyone’s hiding under the bed.”

Coming up: a week so volatile that even your breakfast cereal will be anxious about inflation reports and Middle East news. Do try to enjoy your coffee.

🤷‍♂️ 🪙 🚀 Or just ask your towel for advice. It’s never been wrong.

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2025-06-24 01:31