Bitcoin Bonanza: How a Medical Company Outjumps Wall Street With a 22% Crypto Yield!

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  • Semler Scientific stock bounded up over 5% Tuesday after they revealed their Q1 2025 results—proving that Wall Street will pretty much cheer for anything as long as there are numbers and mild confusion involved. 📈
  • Bitcoin, meanwhile, is enjoying a rally so effervescent you’d think someone spiked the punch with rocket fuel—mainly because professional investors have only just discovered that scrolling down on Crypto Twitter counts as due diligence. 🚀

On a perfectly ordinary Tuesday, Semler Scientific, Inc. (NASDAQ: SMLR)—not, as you might assume, a hipster tech startup or one of those puzzling vegan meatball brands, but a medical device company—unveiled their financial results for the first quarter of 2025, which concluded on March 31. The big headline? A sparkling 21.9% BTC return for the quarter, climbing to a 22.2% year-to-date Bitcoin yield. That’s right, the medical supply crowd is now outperforming assorted investment pros who put “blockchain” in their company bios and hope for the best. 🩺➡️🪙

As of the end of March, Semler was crouched atop a pile of roughly 3,192 Bitcoins—because who needs stethoscopes when you can hoard internet money? They bagged 894 more coins with a $90.7 million shopping spree during the quarter. By May 12, they’d added another 616 Bitcoins, bringing their total horde to a stomach-churning 3,808. Picture a dragon, but instead of gold, they sleep on volatile digital assets and quarterly earnings reports. 🐉💰

“We continue to actively grow our bitcoin arsenal using operating cash flow and proceeds from debt and equity financings,” noted Eric Semler, whose business card probably just says, “Yes, we’re really doing this.” He also announced something sure to thrill all seven people who compulsively check corporate dashboards: Semler now has a publicly updated Bitcoin tracker on their site for anyone who really wants to know minute-to-minute how audacious you can get with a medical supplies side hustle.

Ultimate Impact on Bitcoin Price

Just when you thought the Bitcoin plot couldn’t thicken, it’s bubbling away again and nudging up to its all-time highs, somehow benefitting from a temporary truce between the U.S. and China. For context, on-chain data reveals that, thanks to institutional investors crawling out from under their hedge fund rocks, the overall Bitcoin supply on exchanges has dropped to about 2.4 million—a number not seen since people could remember their exchange passwords without two-factor authentication.

$BTC [1W] – Parabolic Curve Step-Like Formation – Update

After having broken out of Base 4, price is ready to finally blast off to the sell line @ ~$320k.

Invalidation: weekly close < $79k.

— Gert van Lagen (@GertvanLagen) May 13, 2025

The result? If you enjoyed the crypto fireworks in 2017 and 2021, strap in for another ride. Crypto analyst Gert van Lagen (who, like all good analysts, makes predictions with the suave confidence of a weather forecaster reading tea leaves) claims Bitcoin could shoot up to $320,000. Unless, of course, it doesn’t—namely, if it dips below a mere $79,000. (Hey, we’ve all had worse luck flipping coins.)

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2025-05-14 02:14