Banks Get the Green Light for Zero-Risk Crypto Deals, Because Why Not?

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In what can only be described as the banking world’s mildest revolution since the invention of the pie chart, a US national bank regulator (yes, that’s a thing) has graciously approved banks to wade into the crypto pond without risking a ripple-because apparently, riskless transactions are the new black. 🏦✨

These deals are essentially banks playing a high-stakes game of “pass the parcel,” buying crypto from one party and handing it over to another-like a slightly less exciting game of hot potato, but with way more zeros on the screen. The banks hold very little in the way of assets, which is fortunate, considering they’re basically acting as the digital equivalent of a diligent courier, not a finance powerhouse. 📦💸

The Office of the Comptroller of the Currency (OCC), otherwise known as the folks who keep banking boring but safe, has decreed that this is perfectly fine-no new dangers, no need for a hazmat suit. This move is part of a larger plot to make banks less of a dinosaur and more of a peer in the world of crypto, all while pretending they’re not gambling everything away in a game of “What Could Possibly Go Wrong?” 🦕➡️🚀

“OCC Interpretive Letter 1188 confirms that a national bank may engage in riskless principal crypto-asset transactions as part of the business of banking.” – OCC (@USOCC) December 9, 2025

Rethinking the Rules: Because Who Likes Red Tape Anyway?

Building on the previous “banks can now do crypto stuff, but only if we say so” guidance, the OCC has decided that banks can now custody cryptocurrencies and participate in distributed ledgers without needing a bureaucratic handshake every time. It’s like telling the rules to take a hike-except the rules are still watching, just less closely. 🙃

Other watchdogs in the financial zoo, such as the FDIC and the Federal Reserve, have joined the fun, relaxing their crypto oversight so that banks can finally stop being so secretive and start pretending they understand what they’re doing. The Fed’s waving goodbye to dedicated crypto supervision for now, which is probably a good sign-if you’re into pretending everything is fine. 🤹‍♂️

Meanwhile, Congress is busy writing legislation like the GENIUS Act-because if you’re going to unleash chaos, you might as well do it with a fancy acronym. The big players, such as PNC and SoFi, are racing into crypto trading and custody, making regulators look increasingly like the last kid picked for dodgeball. 🏅

Trump’s Digital Cheerleading Squad

President Donald Trump, never one to shy away from a good digital dollar dance, has been quietly supporting the idea of a crypto-friendly environment. His White House might soon issue an order that encourages banks not to be party poopers to crypto startups-effectively making it harder for them to slam the door in digital assets’ face. 💼🚫💰

Policy types close to the administration say this is all about keeping crypto innovation onshore, snug under Uncle Sam’s watchful eye. Critics, meanwhile, warn that linking banks directly to the wild, unpredictable crypto frontier could cause the financial equivalent of a cow on roller skates-more chaos, less charm. 🐄🛼

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2025-12-10 04:06