Bankers and Blockchain: You Won’t Believe Who’s Settling Up Now 😏

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What you need to endure:

  • Standard Chartered, banner held high, now lends its fortress of banking to FalconX (prime broker of dreams, broker of disillusionment).
  • FalconX to wrangle a medley of currency pairs, striving to cross borders faster than a letter smuggled out of a labor camp.

In this age of digital wizardry and hollow promises, Standard Chartered (codename: STAN, as if a human face could ever emerge from bureaucracy) has opened the ancient gates for FalconX, institutional prime broker presumably forged in San Mateo, California, land of climate optimism and oat milk. Their bold mission? To carry out settlements across borders—not with shovels or hope, but with an array of currency pairs clicking like abacuses in the Siberian winter.

If you think a “prime broker” is someone who delivers potatoes to the privileged, I regret to inform you it’s worse: they finance, they trade, they custody, all for institutions whose size and ambition might have made a Party boss blush. No borscht or bread lines here—just liquidity and irony.

FalconX, eyeing the Promised Land between “trad” finance (where everyone eats caviar) and crypto (where no one eats, but everyone tweets), would like to convince the guards that their papers are in order. The idea: make crypto services less like roulette, more like something your accountant could recommend without weeping.

Armed with Standard Chartered’s reluctant handshake, FalconX is eager to attract more titans with appetites voracious as wolves: asset managers, hedge fund luminaries, token conjurers, and payment platforms with names only a Kafka character could love.

Let us not forget—Standard Chartered already prods its skeptical nose into crypto, lurking behind the walls of Zodia Custody and Zodia Markets, clutching shares like a babushka with the last loaf in the ration line. The revolution, apparently, will be banked.

Well, as the saying goes in Novosibirsk: at least someone is settling here.

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2025-05-14 12:37