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The funds, tied to a pact as enigmatic as a Tolstoyan riddle, may evolve into an all-stock acquisition, wherein DogeHash shareholders shall receive 30.7 million Thumzup shares. A veritable feast of equity, if one enjoys the taste of uncertainty. 🥩

Thus spake he at the bustling conference of Token2049 in the distant isles of Singapore, on that fateful Wednesday, unto the scribes of CryptoMoon: “Verily, I hold no faith in an altseason,” declared he, his tone echoing the philosophers of old, pondering the absurdity of collective delusion.😜

Now, dear reader, envision a world where one’s precious portfolio can be transmuted into tokens-purely through the flick of an API key, and with all the pomp befitting a Russian opera. Alpaca, with its flair for the dramatic, discloses-on a Wednesday, naturally-that one can acquire these tokens even as the world drowses under the moon’s watch.

Behold, according to the idiosyncratic chronoscope of Google Trends, the fervor for “zcash” dithers toward record summits in these ninety ensuing days from the first of October, aspiring to repose at the hundred-point pinnacle. Ah, but the erstwhile zenith pulsed on the fourteenth of September with a mere forty-one points, during which ZEC pirouetted betwixt $50.37 and $52.85, as whimsically depicted by TradingView’s CRYPTO chronicle. Sarcasm aside, who but a narrator of Nabokovian nuance could savor such trivial tremors? 😂

In the latest saga of blockchain drama, the Sui blockchain has decided that it’s time to have some *skin* in the game and is rolling out its first native stablecoins. Welcome USDi and suiUSDe, courtesy of a three-way collab between SUI Group (SUIG), Ethena’s digital wallet warriors, and the Sui Foundation. Apparently, if you can’t beat them, join them and make your own damn stablecoin.

SEC Commissioner Hester M. Peirce entered the scene with the gravity of a university professor who has discovered a new way to sort brooms by the color of their bristles. She warned that an overzealous hand could smother the newborn DePIN-the decentralized physical infrastructure networks-while the rest of the room whispered about tokens, bandwidth, and the sweet taste of regulatory clarity. 😂

The chaos, which unfolded earlier today, left about $13,000 in user funds feeling a bit greasy, though CZ assures the victims will be fully reimbursed. If only romance were so reliably reimbursed, right?

Get this: the first Ripple CBDC trials, all the way back in 2021 (yes, time flies, darling), kicked off with Bhutan and Palau-yes, Palau. Who even knew that was a place? By 2023, Ripple was rubbing shoulders with Montenegro and Colombia’s central banks. Fancy, huh? But the best bit? Ripple launched a whole platform designed for central bank digital currencies, which just *happens* to be built on the mighty XRP Ledger. 😏

The Stablecoin Infrastructure Fund will target projects that are so complex, even a PhD in finance might need a calculator and a nap. 💡💸 The fund’s goals? Issuance, rails, compliance, and… *checks notes* …maybe a few more acronyms? 🤷‍♂️

According to a cheeky note posted on X late Wednesday, mere hours after lawmakers tripped over their own shoelaces and failed to shove through a funding bill, the SEC invoked its own secret playbook concocted in August. Picture this: an “extremely limited number of staff” lurking about like ghosts in a haunted house, with systems farting along under “modified conditions.” How delightfully sinister! 👻