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BeLaunch, in a display of analytical rigour that one assumes involved much chart-staring and pronouncements of “interesting patterns,” has devised two scenarios. Naturally, one is far more palatable than the other. The favoured option, enjoying a frankly generous 8/10 probability, hinges upon SUI conquering a rather obstinate red dashed line. Apparently, “Wave (2)” has completed its cycle, which is, one gathers, a very good thing. Wave (3) is impending, and will presumably involve a great deal of hooting and cheering amongst the cognoscenti. 🚀

In a dramatic X post (formerly Twitter, darling), Filiz (@kurcenli34) declares that FLOKI/USDT is “trapped” in a descending channel-crypto’s answer to a tragic love affair. Price hovers near $0.00006221, a level so specific it could be a bank account PIN. Historically, this zone has sparked brief rebounds, though one suspects buyers are less “accumulating” and more “praying.”

In a move that could only be described as bold (or desperate, depending on your perspective), Mastercard’s money-movement division has partnered with Thunes. The duo promises to deliver payouts to stablecoin wallets across a mind-boggling 200+ markets. Not bad, eh? Soon, your wallet could be richer than your bank account. How’s that for a plot twist? 😏

The HBAR/USD hourly chart, my dear, is serving us a chilled cocktail of moderation. Currently sipping at $0.17493, it’s all rather blasé after that brief flirtation with $0.20. Analysts, those clever darlings, whisper of profit-taking and exhausted bulls. How tragic! 🐂💨

Solana (SOL), that old barn cat of the crypto barnyard, has shaken off its winter nap and stretched its claws. It’s prowling again, eyes fixed on the horizon where $185-190 looms like a fence post in a storm.

A controversial soft fork proposal aimed at curbing excessive data storage on the Bitcoin blockchain is causing quite a stir. On Wednesday, Mononaut, an independent analyst and Mempool.space developer, decided to go public with his concerns. His warning: the new rules could throw a wrench in Bitcoin’s gears and disrupt a variety of transaction types.

Bitcoin and the rest of the crypto market continued the trend of not just losing ground, but notably sliding the most during U.S. market hours. 💸 (It’s like watching a toddler try to balance a pyramid of Jell-O.)

One cannot help but smirk at the irony: a firm born of the crypto wilds now seeks the embrace of regulatory approval. The filing, a mere formality, hints at grander ambitions. Yet, the details-how many shares, at what price?-remain as elusive as a nobleman’s honesty. Morgan Stanley, BofA Securities, Jefferies, and Cantor shall lead this financial ballet, while Wells Fargo and others play the role of eager courtiers. Ah, the theater of it all!

The esteemed MJP Rohilkhand University in Bareilly, India, has managed to upload: over 7 million education records to the Polygon blockchain. Yes, while some are busy debating whether blockchain is just a fancy buzzword, this institution decided to literally digitize their files-because tamper-proof certificates are the new black.

Carlos Lei, that sagacious scribe of the DePIN cosmos, once opined to CryptoMoon: “As decentralized infrastructure struts its stuff, matching-or dare I say, surpassing-the glacial elegance of centralized clouds, reliance on single providers shall waltz into oblivion.” A utopian reverie! Or a delusion as quaint as a dial-up modem? 🤷♂️💻