jpyxx Pushers and pullers in the market seem to have gone on strike, and confidence? Well, it’s weaker than your favorite old loaf of bread. The cryptocurrency’s attempt to turn the tide is as hopeful as a vampire at a garlic festival. 🧛♂️🧄
Apparently, Schiff’s latest commentary suggests that Bitcoin voters are merely pawns in a pyramid scheme, “voting to bolster the bullish narrative,” because, after all, who wouldn’t want to build castles on the shifting sands of crypto? 🏗️
Under this draft plan, crypto assets shall bear a 100% risk capital charge-a burden so heavy, one might think they’re carrying the weight of the entire blockchain on their shoulders! 🏋️♂️ Insurers, those prudent souls, must now hold capital equal to the full value of their crypto holdings. A prudent move, or a recipe for financial farce? Only time will tell. 🕰️
The golden hoard, that ancient relic, grows steadily, doubling every 47 years with the patience of a glacial advance. Yet what of the New World’s curse? When El Dorado’s dust once choked Europe’s coffers, empires crumbled beneath the weight of their own greed. 🏰💥 Kratter chuckles, “Astronomical finds-on Earth or beyond-may yet turn your treasure to lead.”
December the twenty-second, mind you. The lawsuit landed right ‘fore Jay Clayton, the SEC’s chairman at the time, could hightail it outta there. Convenient timing, some might suggest. Smells a little like a parting shot, if you ask me.
White House AI and Crypto Czar David Sacks (yes, that’s a real title) took to the social media platform X last week to announce that Senate leaders have finally confirmed a January 2026 markup for the Digital Asset Market Clarity (CLARITY) Act. His statement came after a call with Senate Banking Committee Chairman Tim Scott and Senate Agriculture Committee Chairman John Boozman, who apparently found time in their busy schedules to discuss crypto instead of, you know, actual agriculture. 🌽
Following December 2025’s Fusaka upgrade, Glamsterdam is poised to be Ethereum’s pièce de résistance, a harmonious blend of “Amsterdam” (for the execution-layer glamour) and “Gloas” (trust us, it’s about consensus layering-fancy, isn’t it?). Think of it as a well-choreographed ballet rather than a simple patch-because who needs simplicity when you can have sophistication? 💃🏼
Starting tonight (because why not at 8 PM JST?), you can lend out your assets including XRP, Bitcoin, and even that cheeky little meme called Dogecoin, which… well, has a mind of its own. The idea? Turn those dangling crypto holdings into something that might actually make you smile rather than yawn. Unlike your savings account, where even a snail could outperform the interest rate.
Conflicting reports have the crypto world tumbling into the gossip mill like tea-sipping debutantes at a scandalous ball. 🌀
But lo and behold! The annals of history whisper tales of January’s fickle nature. On the grand monthly map, January modestly boasts an average gain of +9.76%, with a median of +9.54%. February, my dear reader, is slightly more generous at +14.3%. However, March prefers to dash hopes with a median plunge of -2.19%. Yes, early-year strength exists-like a mischievous spirit-but it’s as unpredictable as a cat on a hot tin roof.
