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At the Token 2049 event in Singapore, Tether co-founder Reeve Collins said that he expects every fiat currency to become a stablecoin by 2030. “Even fiat currency will be a stablecoin. It’ll just be called dollars, euros, or yen,” Collins said. Oh, the audacity! Calling them dollars, yet they’re just digital ghosts of their former selves. 🤡

A 12% surge, you say? The stars align-whales, momentum, and the cryptic whispers of the charts all point to a spectacle. But beware, dear reader, for in this theater of numbers, nothing is quite as it seems. 🎭

Hold your horses! Avalanche Treasury Co. is merging with Mountain Lake Acquisition Corp. for an estimated $675 million (though, let’s be real, who can keep track of all these zeroes?). This dynamic duo is set to list on Nasdaq in Q1 2026 under the ticker symbol “AVAT.” And no, this isn’t some “flash in the pan” deal-after going public, AVAT plans to buy over $1 billion worth of AVAX tokens. Who says blockchain isn’t fun? 🤑

Brendan Eich, the CEO and co-founder (who you might remember from such hits as “inventing JavaScript”), framed this milestone as proof that the world is finally waking up to the idea of a “privacy-first web.” Because, let’s face it, who doesn’t love a browser that promises not to sell your soul to advertisers? Eich also mentioned that Brave will continue to prioritize privacy as it dives headfirst into the murky waters of artificial intelligence (AI). Because nothing says “privacy” like a browser that’s also trying to predict your every move. 🤖

BNB’s push above $1,100 has shifted attention to the BNB Chain’s native names, with investors rotating into protocols that collect fees and on-chain activity. 🧾

“All currency will be a stablecoin,” said Collins, while sipping his futuristic espresso, in a riveting interview at Token2049 in Singapore. “Even fiat currency will be a stablecoin. It’ll just be called dollars, euros, or yen,” he added, with all the enthusiasm of someone who had just discovered blockchain on a particularly boring Tuesday. (We get it, Reeve, really.)

On Monday, SWIFT revealed that it tapped Consensys and over 30 TradFi institutions to build infrastructure for a 24/7 real-time crypto payments system – but didn’t confirm which chain it would build on, despite widespread speculation that it would be Linea. The suspense was almost (but not quite) as dramatic as a vending machine that only dispenses opinions.

With October kicking off with such flair, some analysts are dusting off their crystal balls and predicting a year-end rally to $200,000. But, hold your horses! One analyst has swooped in with the joy-killer: mathematical improbabilities, time constraints, historical trends, and, you know, market dynamics. Fun-suckers, aren’t they?

A significant piece of the puzzle behind Pi’s lackluster performance is its vanishing fish-a whale that had been frolicking in its waters with 383 million Pi tokens worth over $100 million. This whale decided to take off ten days ago, leaving in its wake a forking path that nobody seemed ready to explore. In a realm where liquidity is akin to finding water in a dromedary’s saddlebag and exchange listings are as sparse as an Agda the Barbarian conspiracy, losing a whale is the equivalent of a zombie apocalypse.

Resistance at $0.4090, naturally. And a Supertrend, stubbornly refusing to be impressed and remaining ‘bearish,’ the old spoilsport. The ADX, a mere 18, whispers of momentum as weak as a kitten’s sneeze. $0.5150? A fantasy, I assure you. A cruel joke played by the market on the hopeful.