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The Facts

However, the major resistance that Pi token faces at $0.28 could spoil the party for the bulls. But here’s the catch: the major resistance at $0.28 is like a toddler’s bedtime – no matter how hard you try, it’s not budging. 🚫💤

Ethereum’s price is stuck like a pig in the mud just below $4,000. Meanwhile, over at Polymarket, traders are scratching their heads and placing bets like they’re at a cockfight. Will $ETH hit $5,000 or plummet to $3,000? It’s anyone’s guess, really. 🤷‍♂️

Poor XRP, once a darling of the crypto world, now finds itself among the most woeful of losers, plummeting 6.22%. One might say it’s performing a dramatic swan dive, though the elegance is lost in the splatter. 🦢💸

Flutterwave, one of Africa’s biggest payment firms, has partnered with Polygon Labs to make cross-border payments faster and cheaper. Because nothing says “faster and cheaper” like adding a blockchain middleman. It’s not a bank, it’s not a wallet, it’s a crypto conga line. 🎉

The official $TRUMP meme coin is making moves again. Or, as the rest of us are doing, pretending we understand why a cartoon dog with a six-pack is worth investing in. 🐶

The @BitwiseInvest Solana ETF set a new @NYSE record today:

Meanwhile, the cryptocurrency market, like a weary traveler, continues its descent into the abyss of bearish despair, despite the Federal Reserve’s 25 bps rate cut-a gesture as meaningful as a drop in the ocean. 🐻📉

When Plasma’s XPL token debuted a month ago, investors were practically foaming at the mouth to grab a slice of the new blockchain built for stablecoins. It was like the crypto version of a rockstar coming to town-everybody thought it was the next big thing.

Olszewicz, our modern-day Cassandras with a Bloomberg terminal, sketches a yellow path from $111K to $116K-a Sisyphean climb toward “relief,” not salvation. The bulls, he admits, are still clinging to the delusion of a “complex inverse head-and-shoulders,” while the bears chuckle at the daily chart’s head-and-shoulders top, a grotesque parody of balance. The key? A neckline at $105K-$106K, a fragile thread holding back the abyss. Break it, and Bitcoin may yet rediscover the $90Ks and $87.6K-prices so humble, they’d make a goldbug weep. 💸