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Imagine the economists’ faces when the CPI report waltzed in, all cool and collected, like a cucumber at a tea party. 🥒 The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) dropped the news Friday morning, and the markets did a happy dance. 🎉 Why? Because inflation took a nap, and the Federal Reserve’s rate-cut dreams got a shot of espresso. ☕️ Bitcoin leaped past $111K faster than a kid chasing an ice cream truck, up 2.27% before settling back to $110K. Because, you know, even rockets need a breather. 🚀

On the hallowed grounds of X, Remi’s words echo like a prophecy. “Based on research, history, and the occasional leap of faith,” he declares, as if the market’s whims are as predictable as the sunrise. HBAR, XLM, ONDO, LINK, XDC, QNT-each is destined for glory, though one suspects their true value lies in the thrill of the gamble.

Bitcoin’s price action has all the grace of a ballroom dancer-whipping around like a mad waltz on cooler-than-expected CPI data.

📊 Ethena’s ecosystem has had quite a year, and we may continue to see market caps grow for $ENA and $USDe. The latter has quickly risen to the #3 largest stablecoin in crypto. We discuss it all in our latest report in collaboration with @bybit_official:

Let’s dive straight into the five price zones that are more dramatic than a West End play.

This exodus, dear reader, coincides with Pi Network’s latest authentication update-a grand spectacle aimed at verifying the masses and fortifying the ecosystem. Lo, it appeareth this rollout hath restored faith in the hearts of the faithful, prompting a noble outflow of tokens from the clutches of exchanges.

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Highly improbable. As witnessed in 2021 and 2023, these so-called “awakening” wallets didn’t cause much of a stir. Turns out, those were just some internal reorganizations. No drama, just a bit of housekeeping.

Bloomberg whispers that this program will span the globe, with a “trusted third-party” company holding the tokens-probably a sentient algorithm with a penchant for existential dread. 🧠💀

Enter the wise oracle of the crypto universe, a shadowy figure called Catonese Cat on X (yes, Twitter’s new name for “hot mess”), who points out the almighty enemy of Dogecoin’s happiness: the 0.886 Fibonacci level. Basically, that’s just a fancy way of saying “a stubborn wall just above $0.26,” which has been the kryptonite for any bullish dreams lately.