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Binance, that hydra of the crypto world, has anointed Yi He as co-CEO, a move that raises eyebrows and questions in equal measure. Can CZ truly resist the siren call of his own creation, or is this merely a game of musical chairs with the same old tune? 🎶🤡

“Good heavens, Bitcoin at £100,000!” he exclaimed, as if the very notion were a scandalous whisper at a ball. “Sensible persons are now seen on the television, discussing it with such nonchalance: ‘It is at £100,000, now fallen to £98,000.’ But pray, what is it truly worth? Nothing, I say! The world has embraced this folly, a tulip bulb reborn, yet worse, for it has become a conduit for all manner of nefarious deeds.” 🌷🔍

Dogecoin, that old hound with a heart of gold, trudges through the market’s mud, its paws muddy but determined. Its price action is a slow, deliberate waddle-no wild leaps, just steady accumulation. The coin eyes a resistance zone like a squirrel eyeing a snack: cautiously, hungrily. A break above $0.155 might send it barking at the moon with a 30% rally, but failure? It’ll likely nap in the sun, content with its current patch of warmth.

Taurus, that paragon of prudence, has expanded its custody platform through a most agreeable alliance with Everstake, granting regulated clients access to the most esteemed proof-of-stake networks. This new venture, a marvel of modern finance, allows banks to stake their assets without the inconvenience of transferring them out of their custody. One might say it is a most convenient arrangement, though one wonders if the banks shall ever regain their composure after such an upheaval of tradition. 🎩💸

Now, cryptocurrencies, stablecoins, and other shiny digital trinkets are as legally recognized as a horse-drawn carriage or a stack of tea chests. Before this, judges were playing three-card monte with court rulings, leaving everyone from tycoons to teenagers wondering if their crypto would survive the next courtroom drama.

The bulls, clearly inspired by a midday coffee break, launched a last-minute rescue mission on Tuesday. For a moment, BTC looked like it might surrender to the $80,000 abyss-until the bulls, armed with caffeine and questionable life choices, staged a $10,000 comeback. They pushed it back above trendlines, through resistances, and finally slammed into the $94,000 wall like a drunkard hitting a buffet. Now it’s panting, out of steam, and asking for a glass of water. 🍹

As per the latest rolls of papyrus from crypto.news, Aave (AAVE) saw a stunning resurgence of 13.5% on Wednesday, December 3, a spirited affair following an almost three-month struggle against the forces of a downward trend. At the stroke of the pen, trading at $192.8 and ranked 46th-largest in the crypto sphere, its market cap stood majestically at $2.92 billion.

They’ve launched this “Predictions” feature, you see. A rather grand name for something that essentially allows one to put a digital chip on the table and guess whether politicians will continue to disappoint (a remarkably safe bet, I assure you), or whether some athlete will perform a marginally more impressive feat than another. It all interfaces, with a certain slickness, with Myriad (on the ever-so-slightly pretentious BNB Chain), Polymarket (on Polygon – a name that sounds faintly agricultural), and Kalshi (singing the praises of Solana, of course). A self-custodial gambit, they claim, as if ownership somehow lends gravitas to one’s particularly questionable prognostications.

This dramatic leadership shuffle marks a pivotal juncture for the world’s largest crypto giant, as it desperately tries to patch up its tarnished image following years of regulatory grilling and a tasty lawsuit that reads like a thriller novel involving terrorism funding and criminal convictions. But fear not! Binance’s new co-helm, Yi He, is here to sprinkle some fairy dust-if only she could find some magic in the mess.

Sui jumps a glorious 30%, Pudgy Penguins (yes, you read that right) soar by 26%, and Hyperliquid decides to float up about 10%. Can you feel the buzz? 🐧✨