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In a recent thread on X (formerly known as Twitter, because why not change names like we change socks?), MetaMask announced that they’re teaming up with the payments platform Stripe and the stablecoin minter M0. Together, they’re concocting something called MetaMask USD (mUSD). It’s set to launch sometime later this year, though if you’re hoping for a specific date, you might as well start a countdown to the next lunar eclipse instead. 🌒

Recently, a poor soul had enough trust in support lines that they handed over 783 BTC – roughly $91 million in crypto Monopoly money – to a bunch of increasingly inventive shysters. It was a social engineering scam, which is just a fancy way of saying: “They tricked someone into giving away their keys, like a well-meaning but gullible chicken handing over the family jewels.”

Now, enter stage left, CryptoQuant analyst Axel Adler, who’s been keeping an eye on retail participation. It seems that the share of retail transfers in the $0-$10K range has been on a steady decline, dropping from a peak of 2.7% to a mere 0.6%. It’s like watching a balloon slowly deflate at a birthday party-sad, but you can’t look away.

As U.Today reported, Gemini had been teasing us with whispers of the “next era” of XRP rewards. And then, it dropped this bombshell 🗣️:

On the surface, ADA’s short-term chart looks like a hero ready to conquer. But peer beneath the polished veneer: the on-chain data whispers secrets of a crack spreading beneath the surface. A bullish pattern? Ha! That’s just lipstick on a pig. The support metrics are vanishing faster than free food at a festival. Cardano might be standing tall now, but the ground beneath it is trembling.

These accolades, so meticulously verified, now adorn Chainlink’s Price Feeds, SmartData, and CCIP, as if to say, “Behold, the future is secure, or at least sufficiently papered over.” A spectacle for the masses, though one must question the wisdom of entrusting the fate of billions to a system that thrives on the very uncertainty it claims to mitigate. 🌀

This grand prophecy, crafted by the exchange’s research arm under the stewardship of David Duong, rests upon a stochastic model-a sorcerer’s crystal ball, if you will-that conjures thousands of growth paths for the stablecoin realm. 🪄

Aave’s [AAVE] price action is a tale of defiance, a tale of turning despair into a springboard. 🚀 The altcoin, once a shadow, now leaps with the vigor of a man escaping chains.

But, ah-ha! Bank of America’s macro soothsayers-carrying briefcases instead of crystal balls tonight-whisper that this délicate gluttony will barely ripple the bill market, much like a peacock feather tickling a glacier. No, the true victim will be the poor un-starshinied money-market fund, whose once-comfortable throne is menaced by a snippier rival now learning to sprinkle yield, that Elysian confetti of the modern age.

The noble Meta, in their wisdom, claims it’s merely ‘restructuring,’ a phrase as old as the hills, meant to sound impressive but really just a fancy way of saying, “We’re tightening our belts and lining up the troops for a big show.” Yet, behind the curtains, a secret society-led by the brave Alexandr Wang-must approve every outsider’s request to join their quest for superintelligence. Fancy that!