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North Korea is once again making headlines with actions that sound like they’re straight out of an action movie.

According to the soothsayers at crypto.news, Solana (SOL) has shed 7% from last week’s high of $85.1, and a staggering 18% from its March peak. The cause? A $280 million exploit on April Fool’s Day, no less, which has left the network’s DeFi ecosystem looking rather the worse for wear. One might almost suspect the hand of providence in the timing.

DocketWise, that noble steward of legal labyrinths, admits with a sigh to discovering unauthorized access to login credentials nestled within a third-party partner repository, as dutifully reported to the Maine Attorney General’s Office. How quaintly bureaucratic!

The Polygon Foundation bragged on X (because nothing screams credibility like a social media post) that testing on the Amoy testnet shaved a whole 2 seconds off finality. Two. Seconds. In a year where the network mostly starred in “Oops, we crashed again,” Giugliano is Polygon’s attempt at looking like it actually cares about throughput and developer happiness.

BTC pirouetted below $69,000 on Tuesday, after a brief flirtation with $70,000, a reflection of Iran’s polite dismissal of a 45-day ceasefire and Trump’s emphatic proclamation that this deadline is, in fact, final. Nothing like finality to keep the heart racing.

The 4-hour chart looks like a reality show where the bulls are this close to breaking through the 6-month trendline that’s been their personal nemesis since October 2025. But let’s be real-they’re basically at the “one foot in, one foot out” stage of committing to a breakout. Pro tip: If you’re a bull, maybe don’t quit your day job just yet.

As of Tuesday, Bitcoin is currently trading around $69,700, which is a more than 4% increase in the last 24 hours. This looks like a bounce back after a recent dip.

According to Santiment, XRP’s long-term investment returns have fallen to levels not seen since 2022. Wallets that have been actively trading XRP over the last year are, on average, down 41% on their investments.

According to this modern-day Nostradamus, Bitcoin, the once-mighty lion of the digital savannah, shall retreat to its den, cowering at the $10,000 mark by 2026. “Prove me wrong!” he cries, as if the markets were but a recalcitrant pupil in his classroom. “Stay above $75,000!” he implores, though one suspects the markets care as little for his pleas as a cat does for a lecture on quantum physics.

On April 6th, ADA’s price rose to $0.26 with increased trading activity. This increase looked like a potential recovery, as trading volume was growing and the price was breaking through recent resistance levels. This happened after the overall crypto market calmed down following a surge the day before, which was influenced by global events.