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It all began with the spectacular collapse of not one, but two digital currencies made by Terraform Labs – a whopping $40 billion vanishing faster than your paycheck on payday. The crypto world went bananas! 🥴💸
Fresh from the wizards at CryptoQuant and CoinGecko (who clearly have a crystal ball that’s been gathering dust), the meme sector’s nosedive is wilder than Uncle Mel’s crazy schemes. Guess what? No new laughs, no fresh memes, and retail is about as lively as a zombie at a salsa dance. 🧟♂️💃
In a move as inevitable as a society hostess’s third marriage, Swiss asset management darling 21Shares has debuted its XRP ETF, the latest in its arsenal of crypto-linked Exchange Traded Products (ETPs). Approved by the ever-vigilant CBOE, this offering is touted as liquid, transparent, and user-friendly-qualities one might also seek in a cocktail party guest. 🍸🥂
Bitcoin, that digital chameleon, now meanders near $90,000-a limbo of liquidity, post-election hangovers, and the ghost of November’s 17% plunge. That drop, more dramatic than a soap opera finale, sent it tumbling from $109,000 to the $80,000 abyss, leaving traders to wonder: is this a prelude to a grand finale or a snooze-fest in crypto pajamas? 😬
During her Thursday chat at the Brookings Institution (because, where else would you discuss crypto drama?), Crenshaw called out the SEC’s decline over the past year. Apparently, things are starting to look less like a regulatory body and more like, oh I don’t know, a high-stakes poker table? 💸 According to Crenshaw, the markets now resemble “casinos,” with “chaos” reigning supreme after the SEC casually brushed aside years of enforcement cases and cut back on penalties. Nice, right? 🍿
Yet, even as volatility soared to ridiculous levels, capital continued to pour into the more respectable corners of the crypto realm, such as Bitcoin Hyper ($HYPER)-a Bitcoin Layer-2 solution that combines Solana-level transaction speeds with Bitcoin’s robust security. Because who doesn’t want fast AND safe? 🏎️💨
Wednesday, Dec. 10, didn’t just tiptoe into the crypto market-it strutted in like a guy with a winning lottery ticket. Fresh capital flooded in for the second consecutive day, lifting spirits and fueling rumors that institutional investors might just be warming up to the idea of crypto again. It wasn’t exactly a “get rich quick” scenario, but it was a steady little shuffle in the right direction.
So, what’s his doctrine? Simple. The big three-Bitcoin, Ethereum, Solana-these are the ironclad foundations of his cryptic empire. Deep liquidity, armies of followers, a zombified loyalty-these networks survive the chaos, the scams, the social media outrages. Anything else? Just flickering shadows on the cave wall, destined to fade like last month’s propaganda. If a token can’t outperform Bitcoin or Ethereum on a weekly chart, it’s not even worth the trouble-more snake oil than revolution.
Finally, review the entire output to ensure it’s in Pratchett’s style, with humor, sarcasm, and emojis, while maintaining all the original information and structure.
