jpyxx 
According to the Department of the Attorney General (who, let’s face it, are no strangers to a good drama), our clever little teller at the Bank of Hawaii was up to no good between February 8th and March 14th of 2024. Instead of counting coconuts, she was counting cold, hard cash-none of which was hers, mind you! 🥥💸
On the most gloomy December 20, the clever folks at Scam Sniffer (what a name, eh? 😏) reported that this fiasco began when our hapless victim sent a teeny-tiny $50 test transaction to his own address. A simple check, you’d think, but oh no-it was the beginning of the end! 🕳️
Hold onto your wallets, folks! NIGHT’s price did a teensy 3.15% cha-cha to $0.06866, climbing from $0.06389 like it’s auditioning for Rocky: The Crypto Edition. 🥊 But don’t pop the champagne yet – the Fear and Greed Index is at 27, which means investors are sweating like a vampire in a sunbed salon ☀️🧛♂️.
Indeed, after monotonous market days were epitomized by myriads of weak souls, the currency optimistically attempts to reclaim its lost heights. It promptly relegates the groans of facetious long traders to the annals of obscurity, overshadowed by the last liquidation affair.
Two years. A mere blink of an eye in the grand scheme of things, yet for the digitalization of finance, it’s a frantic dash, a two-year sprint to cement these ethereal currencies into the bedrock of law before she… vanishes. A fleeting moment, really, when looking across the vast expanse of historical time. ⏳
On paper, Ethereum is the life of the party, with a user base that could fill a stadium, while Bitcoin, though fewer in number, is the one with the most coins in its pocket. A tale of two blockchains, if you will. 🎭
Imagine, if you will, a world where allowing people to earn a modest reward for using a financial product is deemed-shockingly-acceptable. The Blockchain Association, that merry band of crypto idealists and skeptics of bureaucracy, has penned a letter so elegant it could make a senator blush. Addressed to the Senate Banking Committee, it pleads-nay, implores-lawmakers to resist the latest moral panic: banning stablecoin rewards. Over 125 companies and organizations have signed, not because they’re paid to, but because they believe in freedom of financial expression. How uncivilized.
According to whispers and screenshots shared on the digital agora of X, this internal tome, purportedly Fundstrat’s 2026 crypto strategy, foretells a “meaningful drawdown” in the first half of the year. It speaks of Bitcoin (BTC) tumbling to the depths of $60,000-$65,000, Ether (ETH) plunging to $1,800-$2,000, and Solana (SOL) sinking to a mere $50-$75. Yet, like a phoenix from the ashes, it hints at buying opportunities arising later in the year. 🦅🔥
The charts, my dear reader, are as exciting as a sermon on a wet Sunday. Expected price movements for both Bitcoin and Ethereum are shrinking faster than a pair of trousers in a hot wash. Traders, once the daredevils of the financial world, are now expecting moves so small they’d make a snail blush. Daily candles? More like daily naps. The price is stuck in a range so tight, it’s like watching paint dry-but with fewer thrills. 🎨😴
“Darling,” sighed U.S. Attorney’s Office of Louisiana’s press release, “the court has taken our sweet time//(time) to finalize the forfeiture of mischief-making cryptocurrency.” Judging by the scroll dated Dec. 15 from U.S. District Judge Brian Jackson (a jurisprudent gem), 1.96356404 BTC and 60,139.5734 USDT will now dance into the DOJ’s hands for redistribution.
