XRP: 2% to Glory? 🤔

Basically, there’s this magic price point at $2.54. If it breaks that, things might get interesting. If not, well, we’ll probably just be back here talking about a 0.6% wiggle.

🚀 XRP ETF Frenzy: Brad Garlinghouse’s Wisdom Amidst the Chaos! 🤑

Now, the Canary XRP ETF might just flap its wings and take flight on Nov. 13, provided Nasdaq gives its 8-A filing the ol’ thumbs up. 🤞 And Bloomberg’s ETF whisperer, James Seyffart, reckons Bitwise’s XRP ETF could launch in the next 20 days, thanks to its snappy legal jargon. Meanwhile, Solana, HBAR, and LTC spot ETFs already hit the ground running this week, with Bitwise’s Solana ETF, BSOL, outpacing the competition like a hound dog after a rabbit. According to Bloomberg’s Eric Balchunas, it raked in $417 million in weekly inflows, leaving even BlackRock’s Bitcoin ETF in the dust. 🏎️💨

Trillions Await: Ripple’s Grand Game of Digital Dominance 🏦💎

Ripple’s Grand Vision

Ah, Ripple-the enigmatic darling of the crypto cosmos-has once again strutted onto the stage, leaving Solana to play the supporting role in this financial farce. While Western Union flirts with Solana for its USDPT rollout in 2026, Ripple’s supporters are busy sipping tea and whispering, “Darling, billions are so passé.” 😏

Vitalik Buterin Declares Ethereum’s “Incorruptible” Secret – Spoiler: It’s Not Bitcoin! 😂

The billionaire prodigy, who clearly has never been bribed by a bag of Bitcoin, has once again amplified his love for ZKSync, a project that somehow manages to sound both cutting-edge and suspiciously like a tech startup’s buzzword bingo card. ZK-rollups, he insists, are the future-because nothing says “revolutionary” like reducing gas fees and speeding up transactions. 🚀

Bitpanda’s UK Debut: 600+ Assets, Football, & Financial Flair! ⚽💰

Pray tell, what folly is this? Europe’s crypto scene, once a mere sideshow, now doth rival the grandeur of Versailles! The UK, ever the trendsetter, hath embraced Bitpanda with open arms-and wallets. On All Hallows’ Eve, no less, Bitpanda proclaimed its dominion over the British Isles, touting the realm’s most opulent crypto feast. 🧙‍♂️🎉

SBF’s Bold Claim: It Wasn’t ME! 😂

“FTX bankrupt? Never!” doth this Bankman-Fried declare, as writ upon a digital scroll displayed for all to see. He propounds a grand defense, echoing pronouncements made in recent parleys with the folks at @amuse, where he sang a similar tune. He protesteth that the coffers of FTX were, even at the darkest hour, heavier with assets than burdened by debts – and that every customer stood to be made whole by late November of that calamitous year, 2022.