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By Shayan, the soothsayer of charts

Low-cap altcoins in this space? Undervalued, darling. They’re like the ugly ducklings of the crypto world, but guess what? They might just swan into your portfolio and make it rain. 💰🦢

Meanwhile, the crypto markets have decided to put on their dancing shoes, with Bitcoin (BTC), Ethereum (ETH), and their token pals all twirling in positive territory. 🌈 Bitcoin’s reclaimed $87,000, Ethereum’s flirting with $2,830, and Ripple (XRP) is doing the cha-cha at $2.07. Even Dogecoin (DOGE) is wagging its tail at $0.147, proving that memes can pay the bills. 💸

You see, the pattern here is basically the crypto version of that annoying friend who always parks in the same spot and then acts surprised when they find a parking ticket – repeatedly. Every time Dogecoin crashes HARD into demand, then pretty much immediately goes into “naptime” (consolidation), only to wake up supportively and rally like it just remembered it’s the funniest meme on the internet. This dance has played out a couple of times already, so the mood is: Déjà (mooning) vu.

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Grayscale’s GDOG and its ETF buddies (looking at you, REX‑Osprey) are like the cool kids inviting DOGE to the party. But let’s not forget: this party is in a dumpster, and the punch is on fire. 🔥 Institutional access? Sure. Speculative risk? Absolutely. It’s like buying a lottery ticket with a credit card you can’t pay off. 🍀

Digital Asset Treasury (DAT) stocks are bleeding, trading below the value of the Bitcoin they hold. Some rivals have started dumping coins to shore up their balance sheets. 💸💔

Sources whisper that the FIU is zeroing in on exchanges they deem slackers-those who forgot to play by the rules or just didn’t bother. Offshore platforms like KuCoin? They got the full cold shoulder earlier this year, locked out for daring to operate without proper registration or basic compliance. That’s right, folks, no registration, no love! And these platforms? They were caught with their digital pants down-no KYC, no AML, just a bunch of beans and crickets. 🦗

Dunamu, the lovely folks behind Upbit, already coughed up 35.2 billion Korean Won (that’s, like, $24.35 million for those of us keeping track in dollars – which, let’s be honest, is everyone). Apparently, their anti-money laundering procedures were…lax. Understated, even. I imagine it involved a lot of winking and looking the other way. 🙄

Now, you’d think with all this talk, they’d stick around the Thai markets. Nope! Bitkub had flirted with the idea of an IPO at home but was discouraged by the dour performance of their local stock market-less “Wall Street” and more “Wall-limited,” if you catch my drift. Thailand’s bourse has been bleeding more than a colicky kitten, with a drop of over 12% in listings this year alone, and the index dancing down a cheerful 10%.