🚨 Bitcoin’s Oversold RSI: The Secret Sauce to Riches? 💰

With the gravitas of a man who has stared into the abyss of trading charts, Bittel shared a diagrammatic representation of Bitcoin’s average trajectory the last five times its RSI dipped below the mystical threshold of 30. In a bold move, he dismissed the widely held belief that Bitcoin’s destiny is tethered to a four-year cycle dictated by its halving events. “Nonsense!” he might as well have exclaimed, waving his hand dismissively.

Changpeng Zhao vs. America (Again): Crypto’s Most Dramatic Soap Opera Returns 🍿

Binance has quietly reopened talks about bringing back Binance US, not unlike a washed-up pop star eying a Vegas comeback tour. 🎤 The buzz isn’t about new features or wild innovation-no, no-it’s about who owns what, which is about as thrilling as watching your accountant cry during tax season. But hey, regulatory approval in America doesn’t care about your whitepaper. It cares about paperwork. And control. And apparently, Changpeng Zhao’s face showing up in press releases. 🥲

Inflation: The Rollercoaster No One Asked For 🎢💰

Now, here’s the twist: we won’t be seeing October’s CPI figures because, surprise, surprise, the government decided to take a little vacation-AKA, a shutdown. So, investors are left peering into the crystal ball of annual CPI and core CPI prints, trying to decipher how inflation might mess with the Federal Reserve’s (Fed) plans. It’s like watching a soap opera, only with fewer dramatic love interests. 📉

Bitcoin’s Bearish Drama: Whales, Miners, and Analyst Tears 😭

According to Axel Adler Jr. (who sounds like he should be hosting a Eurovision spin-off), the Structure Shift composite indicator and the Bull-Bear Index are both throwing shade at Bitcoin. Apparently, the derivatives market is having a proper hissy fit, and downward pressure is the new black.

Ethereum’s Gas Limit to Soar: A January Tale of Speed & Sarcasm 🚀☕️

Christine Kim, a researcher at Galaxy Digital, relayed this news with the urgency of a snowplow in Moscow. She cited Ben Adams and Kamil Chodala of Nethermind, who, during a recent “All Core Developers” call, claimed testing would conclude by January 7. This, they insisted, would grant Ethereum a 66% blob capacity boost-though one wonders if they’ll celebrate with vodka or just another round of debugging.

Crypto Queen Walks Free Early – Prison Walls Crumble, Wallets Weep 😱💰

On the chill of October 16, the 31-year-old was transferred from the low-security Federal Correctional Institution in Danbury, Connecticut, to a place where the walls are softer and the chains less visible. The Bureau of Prisons, ever the guardian of secrets, refuses to disclose her whereabouts, citing privacy and security. Yet, in this age of whispers and leaks, one wonders if it is privacy they protect, or the embarrassment of their own leniency.

UK Crypto Crash: Brits Panic, Bitcoin Loses Luster 😬📉

The FCA’s survey, conducted between August and September 2025, used a YouGov panel of 2,353 people (plus a “boosted sample” of crypto enthusiasts). While 91% still know what crypto is (thanks, TikTok!), fewer are actually holding it. It’s the digital equivalent of knowing about kale but refusing to eat it. 🥬

Crypto Wizards & Retirement Dreams: XRP Algorithm Strikes Back! 🚀

A subsidiary of the crypto family empire, Ascension Group, enlisted the dark arts of Arch Public-masters in crypto algorithmic wizardry-to craft a strategy that operates within the comforting confines of tax-advantaged retirement accounts like IRAs. Because nothing screams freedom like compliance! 🧐