jpyxx

Jack Dorsey, in a typically understated fashion, confirmed on X (formerly known as Twitter, though let’s be honest, no one’s calling it that) that Bitchat was indeed kicked off China’s App Store in February 2026. The CAC cited Article 3 of their regulations, because, you know, “social mobilization” and all that fun stuff. It’s been in place since 2018, ensuring that any platform with even a whisper of the potential to be useful during a protest gets a government-approved background check. The App Store listing and TestFlight beta version? Gone. But don’t worry, the app is still alive and kicking in every other market. Victory for freedom! Well, not really in China.

the plan also calls for the reopening of the Strait of Hormuz, a shipping lane that’s been closed for the past six weeks. You know, just a minor detail in the grand scheme of things.

Currently, Binance is seeing a record low in the amount of spot trading compared to futures trading.

Key Takeaways (or, as Jeeves would say, the “essential bits”):

Hoskinson, with a wink and a grin, insists that certain critics are about as reliable as a weathervane in a tornado. He claims they’re twistin’ the facts like a pretzel vendor at a county fair. According to him, Midnight ain’t no one-way ticket to nowhere, permanently blockin’ funds from returnin’ to Cardano. Those rumors, he says, are about as true as a three-dollar bill.

At the current rate of exchange, a mere $2,150 per ETH, this pile of digital trinkets is valued at a preposterous $10 billion. But let us not forget the other baubles in BitMine’s jewel box: 198 BTC, a $200 million stake in the ludicrously named Beast Industries (courtesy of that modern-day Barnum, Mr. Beast), and a $92 million punt on EightCo Holdings, all part of its ‘moonshots’ portfolio. With cash reserves of $864 million, the total swag bag amounts to a dizzying $11.4 billion. One can only marvel at such extravagance.

Now, what’s behind this sudden surge? Three things, as it turns out. And no, one of them isn’t a magical goose laying golden tokens.

Zcash (ZEC), that wily token, has rallied not merely by chance but through a confluence of fundamental and technical forces, a perfect storm of ambition and circumstance. Its ascent is as much a tale of institutional favor as it is of technological promise.

According to a Form 8-K filed with the SEC (because even Bitcoin juggernauts have to dot their i’s and cross their blockchain hashes), Strategy scooped up a cool 4,871 Bitcoins for a mere $329.9 million. That’s right, folks-April showers bring Bitcoin flowers, or something like that.

This little purchase boosts the company’s total holdings to an impressive 4,803,334 ETH. Just to put that in perspective-because who doesn’t need a little more perspective in life-that’s about 3.98% of the entire Ethereum supply. At today’s prices, that hoard of digital treasure is worth a jaw-dropping $8.64 billion. And if you’re wondering, yes, that’s a lot of money. Add in $864 million in cash and a few other knick-knacks, and voilà! Bitmine’s grand total is now a neat $11.4 billion. Who says money can’t buy happiness, eh?