jpyxx The crypto community, ever the paragon of enthusiasm and critical thought, responded to Schwartz’s proclamations. An X user, presumably sipping lukewarm coffee at 3 a.m., praised the stability of the hub while querying the amendment process-a topic as thrilling as watching paint dry, but with more technical jargon. 🎨
On the weekly chart, Bitcoin resides within a long-term ascending channel, a gilded cage since the 2023 recovery. 🎨 Yet, after failing to breach the $100,000-$105,000 resistance, it retreats to the channel’s shadowy lower realms. A drama of false starts and theatrical reversals. 🎭
The blockchain’s Layer-1 realm, once a slumbering beast, now stirs with vigor, its transactions surging like spring thaw-proof that engagement is not a mirage, but a real estate boom.
February brought the crown jewel of disasters: the $1.5 billion Bybit hack, a heist so audacious it made Ocean’s Eleven look like a kindergarten play. 🎭💎 Unlike its predecessors, this attack didn’t bother with smart contract bugs-it went straight for the jugular, compromising Safe wallet’s signing interface. CertiK, the industry’s oracle of doom, later confirmed that supply-chain attacks were the year’s most destructive force, siphoning $1.45 billion in just two incidents. Bybit, ever the optimist, promised full asset backing and launched a bounty program so grand it could rival a Hollywood blockbuster. 🕵️♂️🎬 Yet, the damage was done-exchanges now eye their infrastructure with the same paranoia one reserves for a suspicious neighbor. 🕵️♀️🔍
A whale has made a major investment in HYPE tokens on the HyperLiquid platform.
Meanwhile, demand surges like a caffeine-fueled coder at midnight – network activity hitting fever pitch. Builders and long-term miners are busy crafting their empires while the retail herd nibbles at bare bones. And yes, the on-chain dance is more intense than a ballroom contest – with smart contracts deploying in waves, like it’s 2025 all over again. We’re not just speculating; we’re building castles in the digital clouds, or so they hope. 🤓✨
Viral discussions on Chinese social media now show ¥60-66 million ($414,000-$455,000) homes in Shenzhen Bay being weighed directly against Bitcoin, Nvidia stock, and BNB. Not as symbols of status, but as competing assets in a global portfolio. 🏦💸📈
To grasp the magnitude of this policy farce, one need only gaze upon a (clearly fabricated) screenshot, a digital artifact of absurdity circulating on X, where the laws of logic are as malleable as a child’s clay. 🧠
The decree was etched into the digital tablets of their official X account on the eve of a new year, December 30, 2025. A date that will live in infamy-or obscurity, depending on whom you ask. 📅
The funding crash revealed more cracks in GameFi than my old Windows machine. After pulling in a hefty $147 million in Q1, GameFi cash flow was more sluggish than my Sunday afternoon. It briefly sprang back to $129 million in Q3, but by year-end, funding dried up like my patience. Studios ran out of runway faster than I run out of hot water. 🛬💸