jpyxx

High interest rates have turned their reserves into a cash cow-so far, over $10 billion in 2025! Who knew crypto could be so profitable? 💸😂

Analysts speculate it might ruffle the feathers of offshore titans who’ve turned regulatory ambiguity into an art form. 🎩🐍

The disgraced FTX founder, Sam Bankman-Fried, now wages a three-pronged war against history itself. With the fervor of a man drowning in quicksand, he denies crimes, insists FTX was solvent, and accuses bankruptcy managers of malpractice-all while his friends in the shadows lobby for clemency. It is a performance worthy of Molière, if only the stakes were lower and the jokes better.

The Facts

While the government was on a 40-day “spa day” (we’re still not over it), the crypto market decided to throw a party and gained 5% today. Let’s see if these economic updates crash the festivity or make it even wilder. 🎉

Bitcoin and Ethereum, those heavyweight champions of the crypto ring, took the hardest knocks-losing $932 million and $438 million respectively. One imagines them slumped in their satin robes, muttering about monetary policy and demanding a rematch in July.

By Shayan (probably dreaming of riches)

After the FTX implosion – what a mess! – everyone’s playing it a little safer. Hedge funds, banks, asset managers: they’re rethinking their crypto “relationship.” It’s not a fling anymore; it’s serious. Well, as serious as crypto gets, anyway.

Oh, so it seems that the end of the bloodbath for Bitcoin treasury stocks is upon us. But wait, before we celebrate, let’s check out the details-just in case it’s another cruel twist of fate.

The Facts.