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Ah, bear markets-those sly, sneaky creatures. Especially when it comes to Bitcoin, they arrive with a dramatic flourish of disbelief. Remember November 2021? 🗓️ Everyone was waiting for the grand finale, the blow-off top, but instead, the price just slithered away like a snake in the grass, leaving behind a trail of tears and a ruinous bear market. Could history be repeating itself? 🤔 The signs are there, my dear reader, as clear as Willy Wonka’s chocolate river. Key supports have crumbled, yet some still cling to the hope of a recovery. Bless their optimistic souls! 🙏

ZCash (ZEC) has skyrocketed to become the privacy coin king, thanks to its “untraceable” transactions. Because nothing says “I’m hiding my purchases” like a 40x price surge. 🚀💸 Even after hitting $700, fans are already chanting “$1,000! $1,000!” like it’s a rock concert. 🎸💰

Ah, VanEck, a beacon of hope for you, Solana, as your value teeters on the brink, has boldly launched its Solana ETF upon the grand stage of Nasdaq. Yet, how do these financial minestrone elements taste to the weary palate of a token thus embattled?

In a masterstroke of corporate theater, Michael Saylor, the man who could turn a ledger into a symphony, announced the purchase on X. Preceded by a Sunday post titled “₿ig Week,” it’s clear he’s not just investing-he’s composing a tragicomedy for the ages. 🎭

Like, what’s next? They send 10,422 BTC to some shady- sounding address (“1ANkD…ojwyt” – sounds like a robot trying to order pizza), and a tiny bit, about 185.5 BTC, bounces back to Mt. Gox’s hot wallet. Hot wallets-because if you’re losing millions, you want your money hot, of course.

Discovery Bank has collaborated with the crypto exchange Luno to integrate crypto asset trading into the bank’s mobile application. This move, which Discovery Bank CEO Hylton Kallner calls a response to crypto maturing into an accessible, mainstream asset class, makes it the first major South African financial services company to offer this service. 🧠💸

On Monday, BTC decided to hit a new low-below $93,000-something we haven’t seen since May. It sipped nearly 5% off its Monday mojito starting from $96,000, and now it’s hanging out around $91k, whispering its secret fears. It’s down 16% since November’s launch party and has lost more levels than a bungee jumper lost his bounce. Bye-bye $100k barrier and the 21-Week EMA support-gone with the wind.

Apparently, the cryptocurrency’s sudden slide is thanks to the usual suspects: gloomy economic forecasts, sneaky interest rate shenanigans, and overhyped markets that seem to think money grows on blockchain leaves. Traders are now cautiously reassessing risk, possibly wishing they had actually listened to their mothers when they said, “Don’t gamble with the house’s Wi-Fi.” 📉

According to top analyst Darkfost, short-term holders (STHs) – those who bought Bitcoin in the past few months – are now basically crying into their coffee. Their average cost is $110k, so they’re basically crying into their coffee. ☕😢 This is the financial equivalent of a “I told you so” from your ex. 🤭

This spectacle of mutual ignorance is indeed a rare occasion where retail and institutional gamblers find themselves neck-deep in surprise. The swing in Polymarket’s odds-garnering support for further decline in its year-end prediction-paints a vivid tableau of market naivety, which naively presumed a trifling retreat rather than the impending deluge that vanquished a large swathe of Bitcoin’s stellar gains for 2023. 💔