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But wait, there’s more! The investment bank, in its infinite wisdom, raised its 12-month price target for Coinbase from $294 to $303. Why, you ask? The diversification beyond traditional crypto trading, of course! As Google Finance dutifully reported, Coinbase closed the session at $254.92, marking one of its finest performances in recent weeks. Goldman’s new target implies an upside of roughly 18%, though the stock remained rather coy in after-hours trading. 😏

Layer 1 blockchain Sui’s native token SUI, like a stubborn seedling in a drought, jumped more than 14% over the past 24 hours, sharply outperforming bitcoin and ether as traders seized on speculation that the layer 1 blockchain could one day support privacy-preserving transactions. 🌱

On-chain whispers, those cryptic scribbles of the digital realm, insist the network throbs with life, and the ecosystem stirs from its slumber. Analysts, ever the soothsayers of speculation, predict further lunacy. But who can trust their prognostications? Are they not merely tossing darts in the dark, hoping to strike a bullseye of truth?

Apparently, some crypto analyst named Sykodelic – a name that suggests a particularly enthusiastic psychedelic experience – has figured out why. And it’s not because everyone’s suddenly discovered inner peace and decided Bitcoin is just…too much. No, it’s something far more unsettling: the plumbing is different this time. The very structure of how money moves around is messing with the usual Bitcoin boom-and-bust timetable.

Ilya Lichtenstein, the gentleman who drained 120,000 bitcoin from Bitfinex in 2016, has been released early from prison, per Bureau of Prisons records. His gratitude, it seems, lies with the First Step Act, a bipartisan reform law signed by the illustrious Donald Trump. One wonders if the Founding Fathers ever imagined their principles would apply to cryptocurrency thieves.

The news alleged this violated President Trump’s Executive Order 14233, which allegedly commands federal agencies to hoard forfeited Bitcoin as part of the US Strategic Bitcoin Reserve. (Because nothing says “national security” like a Bitcoin piggy bank, right?)

Once upon a time, in a land of digital fortresses and cloud kingdoms, there lived a platform called Global-e. Tasked with guarding the treasures of commerce, it stumbled upon a crack in its armor. Lo and behold, the gates were breached, and the dragon hired knights (forensic experts) to investigate. 🐉

The first chart shows the percentage of SHIB supply held by the top 10 wallets, which has continued to rise into early 2026 🐍💰. Currently, these large holders control over 62% of the total supply, a level that has steadily increased even during periods of price weakness. It’s like a dragon hoarding gold, but with more emojis and less fire. 🐉✨

Filecoin, that sly fox of the blockchain, rallied 6% on Monday to $1.59, outperforming the crypto market like a tipsy ballerina at a bear market party. 🐾

Just hours ago, SHIB flirted with the lofty height of $0.00000935-a price so infinitesimal it could fit in a teacup and still have room for a biscuit. This minor triumph was achieved thanks to the meme coin renaissance, a phenomenon where $50 billion is spent on digital barks and wagging tails. The resurgence of the token-burning program-now dubbed “token incineration”-has also provided a spark, though one suspects the real magic lies in the sheer audacity of the numbers involved.