jpyxx Two years. A mere blink of an eye in the grand scheme of things, yet for the digitalization of finance, it’s a frantic dash, a two-year sprint to cement these ethereal currencies into the bedrock of law before she… vanishes. A fleeting moment, really, when looking across the vast expanse of historical time. ⏳
On paper, Ethereum is the life of the party, with a user base that could fill a stadium, while Bitcoin, though fewer in number, is the one with the most coins in its pocket. A tale of two blockchains, if you will. 🎭
Imagine, if you will, a world where allowing people to earn a modest reward for using a financial product is deemed-shockingly-acceptable. The Blockchain Association, that merry band of crypto idealists and skeptics of bureaucracy, has penned a letter so elegant it could make a senator blush. Addressed to the Senate Banking Committee, it pleads-nay, implores-lawmakers to resist the latest moral panic: banning stablecoin rewards. Over 125 companies and organizations have signed, not because they’re paid to, but because they believe in freedom of financial expression. How uncivilized.
According to whispers and screenshots shared on the digital agora of X, this internal tome, purportedly Fundstrat’s 2026 crypto strategy, foretells a “meaningful drawdown” in the first half of the year. It speaks of Bitcoin (BTC) tumbling to the depths of $60,000-$65,000, Ether (ETH) plunging to $1,800-$2,000, and Solana (SOL) sinking to a mere $50-$75. Yet, like a phoenix from the ashes, it hints at buying opportunities arising later in the year. 🦅🔥
The charts, my dear reader, are as exciting as a sermon on a wet Sunday. Expected price movements for both Bitcoin and Ethereum are shrinking faster than a pair of trousers in a hot wash. Traders, once the daredevils of the financial world, are now expecting moves so small they’d make a snail blush. Daily candles? More like daily naps. The price is stuck in a range so tight, it’s like watching paint dry-but with fewer thrills. 🎨😴
“Darling,” sighed U.S. Attorney’s Office of Louisiana’s press release, “the court has taken our sweet time//(time) to finalize the forfeiture of mischief-making cryptocurrency.” Judging by the scroll dated Dec. 15 from U.S. District Judge Brian Jackson (a jurisprudent gem), 1.96356404 BTC and 60,139.5734 USDT will now dance into the DOJ’s hands for redistribution.
According to ETH News, our mystery miner struck gold with block 928,351, raking in the block subsidy plus transaction fees. $271,000 for $86? That’s what I call a return on investment. 💰💸
Ladies and gentlemen, the sophisticated have arrived at crypto’s doorstep like opera singers at a mud puddle-unfazed by the muck, yet desperate for a standing ovation. Ripple, with the grandeur of a Victorian playwright, has doubled down on its digital-asset infrastructure, bonding with TJM Investments in a partnership that blushes with ambition. Shall one call it a marriage of minds? A fiscal tango? Or merely a cash-cow waltz?
Ah, the market! One moment, Bitcoin tumbles below $85,000 like a clumsy bureaucrat tripping over his own paperwork, and the next-poof!-it’s back, grinning like a cat who’s stolen the cream. Trading activity? Shifted to “resistance areas,” whatever those are. (One imagines Bitcoin traders as restless ghosts, forever bumping into invisible walls.)
Over two billion-yes, with a B-people have now downloaded what was once just a tiny, quirky Chinese video app. It’s now basically the world’s most popular digital parrots squawking trends that no one asked for. This astronomical number probably saved TikTok from being banned faster than a cat meme can go viral in a typhoon. TikTok, which has already been banned in Canada (because apparently, zipping videos around the Great White North is too dangerous) and temporarily in the U.S., is now doing the Macarena with Americans through a joint venture, of all things, with Oracle and a few other fine companies. According to CNBC’s latest scoop, this was very much a “letting the dog in” moment. 🐶