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Once upon a time, in a land of digital fortresses and cloud kingdoms, there lived a platform called Global-e. Tasked with guarding the treasures of commerce, it stumbled upon a crack in its armor. Lo and behold, the gates were breached, and the dragon hired knights (forensic experts) to investigate. 🐉

The first chart shows the percentage of SHIB supply held by the top 10 wallets, which has continued to rise into early 2026 🐍💰. Currently, these large holders control over 62% of the total supply, a level that has steadily increased even during periods of price weakness. It’s like a dragon hoarding gold, but with more emojis and less fire. 🐉✨

Filecoin, that sly fox of the blockchain, rallied 6% on Monday to $1.59, outperforming the crypto market like a tipsy ballerina at a bear market party. 🐾

Just hours ago, SHIB flirted with the lofty height of $0.00000935-a price so infinitesimal it could fit in a teacup and still have room for a biscuit. This minor triumph was achieved thanks to the meme coin renaissance, a phenomenon where $50 billion is spent on digital barks and wagging tails. The resurgence of the token-burning program-now dubbed “token incineration”-has also provided a spark, though one suspects the real magic lies in the sheer audacity of the numbers involved.

While XRP has long been a whisper in the crypto wilderness, data now suggests that 2026 might still be the dawn of its true potential. Moon Lambo, a prophet of the X platform, warns that the altcoin’s journey is but a flicker in the vast darkness of adoption. 🌌

The turn of the calendar, that sacred ritual of markets, brought a noticeable reset across U.S. spot crypto ETFs. Investors, like moths to a flame, rotated back into bitcoin, while altcoin funds-those poor relations of the crypto aristocracy-were selectively caressed. Shortened holiday trading? A mere footnote in this opera of greed and hope, especially on the BTC side, where conviction was as thick as Turgenev’s prose.

With the solemnity of a priest delivering a sermon, the firm has begun dispatching email notices to the afflicted, warning them that hackers, those modern-day marauders, have breached the enigmatic third-party payment processor, Global-e. 🛡️

According to CoinGecko (yes, the gecko is still relevant), Bitcoin’s had a 7% weekly glow-up, while Ethereum and Solana are like, “Hold my beer,” with a 9% flex. But XRP? Oh, XRP’s the life of the party, strutting in with a 15% uptrend. You go, Glenn Coco. 🚀💃

So, it appears that digital asset holders are under siege once again. Yes, folks, the internet is buzzing about a major MetaMask 2FA security verification phishing scam that’s hit harder than a hangover after a night of too many mojitos. 😩

Now, let’s talk numbers! Japan’s public debt is hanging around 250% of GDP, which sounds like a math problem no one wants to solve. This has led to a long, slow decline in the yen’s purchasing power. For regular folks? Not so great. For those holding onto Bitcoin? Well, they might just be throwing a party! 🎊