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CoreWeave, Nebius, Bitfarms-same dance, different partners.

Tom Lee, who’s either a genius or just really good at emoji-filled Twitter threads 🧠, claims Bitcoin’s RSI is currently “lower than my will to live on a Monday morning.” Historically, when Bitcoin hits this level of despair, it tends to bounce back 25% within 60 days. So if the chart gods are feeling generous, we might see $110,000 by mid-2026. Assuming the world doesn’t implode first. 🌍

Binance, with the solemnity of a Victorian butler addressing a rogue penguin, has issued a transparency update cautioning projects against “fake listing agents.” The exchange, ever the paragon of propriety, insists all applications must come directly from project teams-no intermediaries, no snake oil peddlers, and certainly no charlatans claiming to be “Binance-approved.” Amid a surge of scams (one would think founders could distinguish a genuine agent from a disheveled con artist), Binance reaffirmed its commitment to “structured listings,” a phrase that sounds suspiciously like a euphemism for “please stop embarrassing us.”

Market players are evidently less enthusiastic-fewer daring souls are willing to dye their toes in the uncertain waters of new positions. The result? Ethereum just drifts sideways, like a yacht without a paddle, while risks loom overhead like a bad weather forecast. ☁️🚢

Apparently, crypto is welcome to the party as an investment, but when it comes to paying for your pierogi? Nyet, comrade! Only rubles allowed! 🥟💵 Anatoly Aksakov, the big cheese in the State Duma, is like the bouncer at this financial club, and he’s not letting crypto past the velvet rope. 🎩🚫

Imaginez! La fondation Hyper propose de classer ces précieuses pièces, enfermées dans des coffres inaccessibles, comme si elles avaient été consumées par le feu sacré, pour augmenter la transparence – mais, attentons, grand Dieu! il ne s’agit que d’un jeu d’écriture, n’est-ce pas? 💥🤡

The Solana chart from 2024 to now shows a demand zone between $119 and $126 that’s been more reliable than a Swiss watch. 🕰️ Right now, SOL is chilling near $127, just a hair above this magic zone. Short-term jitters have everyone’s nerves frayed, but the long-term structure says, “Hold my beer!” 🍺 As long as it stays above, no need to panic… yet.

Enter Datagram, a name synonymous with decentralized ingenuity, particularly in the realm of DePIN. With a flourish, they announce a closed beta for their own VPN, a creation designed to marry the swiftness of centralized systems with the trustless virtues of decentralization. A bold endeavor, indeed! 🌍✨

The class action lawsuit against the Solana memecoin platform Pump.fun has reached a point stickier than a jar of George’s Marvellous Medicine. 🧪

A recent scroll from the wise sages at Cantor Fitzgerald, an investment firm of notable repute, proclaims that the volume of Hyperliquid DEX may swell by a modest 15% each year, conjuring up a vision of $20 billion in fees over the next decade. Now, if only my bank account could follow suit! 💸