jpyxx 
Crypto adoption, that most fashionable of frenzies, accelerates! Driven by rising prices, regulation as predictable as a Shakespearean tragedy, and tools for self-custody so sleek they’d fit in a Bond film. Users, once content to leave their treasures on exchanges, now demand wallets that feel less like assembling IKEA furniture and more like a spa day.
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Now, according to the folks at CryptoQuant (who, I assume, wear lab coats and have very serious faces), these whales weren’t just splashing around-they were aggressively depositing XRP like it was going out of style. Between October 10 and 12, the price plummeted from a cozy $3.10 to a chilly $2.40. 🥶 Arab Chain, the analyst with a name that sounds like a Bond villain, pointed out that this was no accident. Whales, it seems, were either locking in profits or hedging their bets after a volatile rebound. Because, you know, why not add a bit more chaos to the mix? 🎢
Spot Bitcoin ETFs, those digital zeks, netted a paltry $102.58 million, a rebound from the monstrous $326 million exodus of yestercentury, as per the grim ledgers of SoSoValue. And lo, Fidelity’s Wise Origin Bitcoin Fund (FBTC), ever the sly one, led with $132.67 million, while BlackRock’s iShares Bitcoin Trust (IBIT) sputtered a mere outflow of $30.79 million-ha, the irony of black rocks in this gilded cage!
In a masterclass of victimhood, SBF alleges his 2022 arrest was a political hit, orchestrated by the SEC and DOJ to silence his growing criticism of their crypto policies. One might wonder if the administration’s anti-crypto stance was a reaction to his newfound centrist views-or perhaps a warning to others who dare to question the system. 🧠💣
Ah, the Land of the Rising Sun, ever so meticulous in its pursuit of order, now turns its gaze to the anarchic realm of digital currencies. Japan’s regulators, with a flourish of bureaucratic quills, propose to outlaw the trading of crypto on non-public information-a move as predictable as a haiku’s syllable count. Aligning these pixilated assets with the staid protections of traditional markets, they aim to stifle the very chaos that makes crypto so delectably absurd. Parliamentary approval, of course, is but a formality, a mere curtsy before the inevitable. 🧘♂️
Dogecoin found its paws above $0.1880, joining Bitcoin and Ethereum in their digital frolic. It bounded past $0.20, wagging its tail in triumph, and settled into a bullish zone.
On a day that will forever be etched in intergalactic law enforcement archives, October 14 witnessed the Department of Justice’s grand theft of approximately 127,271 BTC from unhosted wallets associated with the mondo mysterious Chen Zhi – a Brit and a Cambodian of no particular importance, who thought his galactic empire would remain undisturbed.
“Dogecoin is also based on energy,” chirped the ever-vigilant Sir Doge of the Coin, to which Musk replied with a punctuation mark so pregnant with meaning, one could almost hear the collective gasp of the crypto sphere. Yet, the market, that fickle prima donna, remained unmoved. Dogecoin, languishing at $0.196, seemed to shrug off the maestro’s touch, as if to say, “Been there, barked that.”
Proof They’ve Got the Crypto Stuff
