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According to the blockchain sleuths-those folks who spend their days tracing digital breadcrumbs-Satoshi’s on-chain holdings are estimated at around 1.1 million BTC. At Bitcoin’s October peak, that was a jaw-dropping $138 billion. Now? A mere $96 billion. Ouch. That’s enough to knock our pseudonymous hero down a peg or two on the rich list, placing them below Bill Gates, who’s sitting pretty at $104 billion. But let’s not shed too many tears-after all, it’s only paper wealth, and we all know how fickle that can be. 📉📜

Currently, ETH is lounging around $2,821, up just a smidge in the last 24 hours. Traders are watching like hawks, wondering if this is the start of a glorious trend reversal or just another flirtation with fate. 💃 Meanwhile, BitMine’s been on a shopping spree, doubling down on Ethereum like it’s going out of style. 🛍️

Looks like Bitcoin’s liquidation party is winding down. After a straight-line nosedive from $110K to the mid-$80Ks, it’s finally catching its breath. Sellers are tired, buyers are shrugging, and the chart looks like a rollercoaster designed by a sadist. 🎢

livestream shenanigans, regulatory sirens warning about unregulated gambling, and a federal lawsuit accusing them of running a meme coin con job. Because, after all, what’s life without a little chaos wrapped in irony and emojis? 🚀😂

These are the altcoins and the reasons they might just trigger a delightful liquidation fiesta.

XRP, the cryptocurrency that’s casually sitting in the third spot of market value, right behind Bitcoin 🪙 and Ethereum, has just been made even more accessible. It’s practically screaming, “Come and get me!” (or at least, it would if cryptocurrencies had voices). The current price? A mere XRP $2.20. Quite a bargain for something that has a 24h volatility: 7.4% – because, who doesn’t love a little chaos in their portfolio?

Come December 8th, the night is going to be a little darker, a little more mysterious. Midnight’s NIGHT token, that shiny new kid on the block, will be rolling out as a Cardano native asset. Expect fireworks-or at least some fireworks-adjacent trading, because that’s what tokens do. It’s the kind of event that makes you wonder if crypto people are secretly vampires-never sleeping, always trading in the dead of night. 🧛‍♂️

Grayscale, that venerable architect of financial instruments, hath birthed GDOG-a ticker so quaint, it doth evoke the spirit of a late ’80s rapper, forgotten yet beloved. The fee structure, a mere 35 bps, is waived to 0.00% for the first $1 billion or three months, whichever doth perish first. A cunning ploy, methinks, to ensnare early inflows ere Bitwise unleasheth its own DOGE tracker, BWOW, on the morrow. 🕰️

By Shayan, the soothsayer of charts