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The chart, oh the chart! A binary tapestry of human greed and fear, where the lower boundary held firm, and the price rebounded with the fervor of a sinner seeking redemption. The structure, my dear reader, mirrors the very pattern that birthed every verdant surge this year. January, that cruel yet benevolent month, bestowed a 46% return, while July, in its capricious grace, offered 35%. And now, history repeats itself, a cosmic joke played by the gods of finance. 😏

While HINU’s tiny spike has got some people excited, the rest of the cryptocurrency world seems to be… I don’t know… just sort of… sitting there. Bitcoin (BTC) is down in the dumps, trading in the red at $87,690 (I mean, what’s new?). Ethereum (ETH), the always overachiever, is up a whole 1%-whoopee! Now it’s worth $2,995. Big deal. 👏

In a recent missive to the digital agora of X, Strategy-all hail its rebranded identity-clucked its beak to warn of a hypothetical where Bitcoin, that mercurial love letter, plummets to $74,000 and even $25,000. With a coy pat on the back, it assured the world that 5.9x, 2x: numbers as soothing as a lullaby to a startled investor. Yet one wonders if this was not a proclamation of solvency, but a wry nod to the fragility of hubris.

Dunamu, the brave champion of cryptocurrencies, is giving the Financial Intelligence Unit (FIU) a bit of a wiggle. You see, the clever folk at FIU have decided to bare them a hefty $25 million fine and a few disciplinary taps on the wrist for their… let’s call it “creative” handling of anti-money laundering (AML) and know-your-customer (KYC) procedures. 😂

And why now? Because, my dear reader, lawmakers – those noble souls who last debated blockchain with the urgency of a snail racing molasses – have finally remembered they work in the 21st century. Stablecoin bills are being waved around like salvation scrolls, promising regulation, order, and perhaps even lunch breaks with dignity. But will they pass before the cows come home? Or before Kakao launches its “Kakao Coin” and turns every KakaoTalk sticker purchase into a crypto transaction? Only time will tell. ⏳🐄

Apparently, the ever-witty Nic Carter threw some shade into the conversation, kind of a “my coin’s better than your coin” vibe. Carter tweeted that trusting “people thinking their coin is gonna win if only Bitcoin dies” is as dumb as a square pokeball. I mean, isn’t that the story of crypto… or maybe my dogs? 🐕

Franklin’s waving a flag in a market that’s quietly building a little altcoin love, right as everyone’s eyes are glued to the crypto circus. They filed the 8-A on Nov. 25, just in time for the grand parade, and it’s probably going to dance out onto the NYSE stage by Nov. 26 or so. Like clockwork, if clocks could tell you to buy SOL, that is.

XRP’s upward move above $2.050 and $2.080 has been nothing short of a spectacle, outpacing Bitcoin and Ethereum with the flair of a seasoned performer. 🎭 The price then surged past $2.20, only to take a brief bow and retreat-how dramatic! 🙃

Ethereum, imitating its elder brother Bitcoin, has deigned to recover slightly, crawling above $2,800 and then $2,850. Such obedience! One almost expects a little bow.

Per the October market crash (because what’s crypto without a US-China tariff Oscars night?), XRP’s been tossed into the Great Recession of digital assets. Billions liquidated, exchanges disagreed on prices, and poor souls like you are now asking, “Did I just buy potato salad for crypto?”