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Speculation abounds that bitcoin (BTC) might slip under $100,000-or worse, nosedive toward a $90,000 “floor.” One X user opined, “Every time BTC hits a new ATH, it does a ~25-30% dip/downside. This time is no different. BTC will dump a little below 100K (maybe 90K?), then the rally can start.” A masterclass in optimism, delivered with the enthusiasm of a tax audit. 🤯

Despite its stalwart efforts, the XRP price hath dipped by 24.02% and 3.89% in the last 30 days and seven days, respectively. The coin hath managed to evade the troubled zone through sustained buying, yet the volume count remainth but a meager trickle, insufficient to stoke upward price movement. One might liken it to a candle in a gale-valiant, yet easily extinguished. 🕯️🌬️

Yep, you read that right. Ryder, the people behind the ridiculously simple Ryder One wallet, has wrapped up a $3.2 million funding round. This wallet promises to give you top-notch crypto security in under 60 seconds. That’s right, in less time than it takes to decide if you should buy another avocado toast, you can secure your digital assets.

Bitcoin fell to a low of $103,516 on Friday, marking four consecutive days of drop since Oct. 13 as macro uncertainty and liquidity stress kept traders cautious across crypto markets. Gold’s price also fell after reaching a record high at $4,379 earlier on Friday. Silver mirrored the drop in Bitcoin and gold, falling as the broader precious metals group retraced after a steady rally this week. 💸 (It’s like watching a toddler lose interest in their favorite toy.)

Shiba Inu is currently trading between $0.000010 and $0.000011, a zone identified by traders as a critical battleground between bulls and bears. According to crypto analyst Shib Spain, the asset “needs to hold the range between $0.000010 and $0.000011 until the next breakout is achieved.” Translation: Don’t expect fireworks yet. Just more waiting. And maybe a few retweets of the same chart. 📊

As the weekend looms, Bitcoin’s hashrate surges to 1.1489 zettahash per second-a number so vast, it makes the human mind recoil in existential terror. Behold, 1,148.90 exahash per second, a figure that would make a mathematician weep into their coffee. ☕️

Behold, the cosmos has finally aligned its bureaucratic gaze upon stablecoins-a financial instrument so thrilling it could put a sleeping bagel into a coma. Regulatory forces across galaxies (U.S., EU, HK, SG) have decreed that stablecoins must be backed by “high-quality assets” and banned from paying interest. Because nothing says “financial innovation” like a cosmic convergence of regulatory red tape. 🌌

Reports-those venerable messengers of truth-reveal that the HM Revenue & Customs, the stern guardians of the treasury, have sent an astonishing number of warnings: 65,000 letters to those who dare to earn in the ether, a number that surpasses previous efforts by almost one hundred and forty percent. Imagine, if you will, the volume of paper-an ocean of imperatives and threats-piling up like the refuse of a thrifty estate steward. These missives, innocuously termed “nudge letters,” are meant to coax the unwary into compliance, lest they face the formidable machinery of formal investigation. Yet, beneath the polite veneer lies a relentless pursuit, an unquenchable desire to recoup every ruble of foregone taxes. A sea of warnings, all aimed at ensuring the taxman’s coffers grow heavy, like Anatoly’s pockets after a fair day’s labor.

So, in the latest blockbuster report from the Financial Stability Board (FSB)-you know, the group that’s basically in charge of making sure the global economy doesn’t explode-they’ve come to a shocking conclusion: Privacy rules are, surprise, still messing everything up. 😱

To fund this operation, Ripple is raising the grand sum of $1 billion through a Special Acquisition Company (SPAC). Their aim? To create an XRP treasury. One might almost say it’s a treasure chest, if only they weren’t so serious about it. According to Bloomberg, this treasure is likely to unlock the vaults of the corporate treasury market, a market with a value that could make your head spin and your wallet feel a little light.