jpyxx Meet 33-year-old William Duplessie, who has now become the latest star in this tragicomedy, courtesy of the New York Police Department (NYPD). He will be charged with “kidnapping and false imprisonment of an associate,” as if that’s a mere footnote in the grand narrative of his life, according to the ever-so-eloquent NYPD Commissioner Jessica Tisch. 📜
Back’s been around since Bitcoin was still a pup, yap yap, when its price was climbing faster than a squirrel after a nut, but, mind you, it was jumpy as a frog on a hot skillet. “If you see something that’s climbing like Jack’s beanstalk but wobbling all over,” he warned, “selling it is like trying to catch a greased pig—nearly impossible, partner.”
Here’s the plan: about $1.5 billion will come from selling good ol’ common stock, and the other $1 billion will come via some shiny, new convertible senior secured notes. Think of it as a fancy way of saying “we’re betting big on this digital gold.” All of this is set to be wrapped up by May 29, 2025—because, of course, deadlines make everything more dramatic.
On this fine day, May 27, our friends at Coinbase, the leading U.S. crypto exchange, received a whopping 1,588 BTC. That’s like finding out your ex is now a millionaire—unexpected and slightly infuriating! 😱
With the network activity surging like a tempestuous tide, our dear Hedera’s stablecoin has reached heights previously unimagined, boasting a market cap that has soared to an all-time high. One can only wonder, will our gallant altcoin rebound like a valiant knight, or will it continue its descent into the abyss? 🤔
Enter Tether’s investment arm, Tether Evo—delicate as a butterfly, yet roaring like a beast. In early 2025, they tossed a cool $775 million at Rumble, a video-sharing platform that apparently dreams of world domination, acquiring a staggering 103 million shares of Class A Common Stock. Not to be outdone, in 2024, they announced a $200 million conquest into Blackrock Neurotech, conquering minds—literally—via brain–computer interfaces. One might say Tether wants to play god in Silicon Valley’s sandbox, all while whispering sweet nothings about digital freedom. 🤖
In the past month, Ethereum has decided to play the role of the overachiever, boasting a 40.09% rise, while simultaneously engaging in daily price gymnastics between $1468.66 and $2037.85. However, the last six months have been more like a sad trombone, with a decline of 30.16%—a clear indication that the bears are still throwing a party. 🎉 This curious behavior suggests that while short-term gains are all the rage, the long-term outlook is more like a rainy day. Technical indicators are waving their flags, with the RSI at a respectable 63.58 and a momentum reading of 78.58, while the Awesome Oscillator is strutting around with a value of 338.55, cheering on the recent upward movement.
During a recent tête-à-tête with CNBC, Ardoino revealed a staggering truth: if Tether were to don the cloak of nationhood, it would find itself nestled among the top 20 foreign holders of US Treasuries. Imagine that! A stablecoin, strutting about like a peacock among nations.
Le prix des actions, mes amis, devrait osciller entre 24 et 26 dollars, ce qui pourrait permettre à Circle de lever jusqu’à 624 millions de dollars, si l’option d’over-allotment est pleinement exploitée. Mais attention, Circle ne touchera pas un sou des actions vendues par les actionnaires existants—non, non, non, seulement des nouvelles qu’ils émettent. Quelle farce !
🚨JUST IN: Standard Chartered initiates Solana coverage, forecasting $SOL to reach $275 by end of 2025 and $500 by 2029. It says Solana trades ‘cheap’ on market cap-to-GDP, unlike BNB which trades ‘rich’ due to its Binance link.
