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Our dear ETH has flirted with the $2,700 mark not once, but twice this week! Alas, both times it was met with the cold shoulder of resistance. It’s like trying to woo a lady at a ball, only to be met with a firm “not today, sir!”

According to our illustrious seer, the gentle tide of corporate demand and ETF investors keeps Bitcoin afloat. His words, laced with subtlety and deep foreboding, suggest that only a fall below the sacred $104,000 mark might make him lose sleep. A drop to the dreaded mid-$90,000s? That, dear reader, is the abyss. But fear not! We are still well above this abyssal pit. The bias, therefore, should be one of continuation (of course!).

Prominent speakers—Bo Hines, the White House’s digital asset czar, and Tyler Williams from the Treasury—mounted the stage with all the seriousness of men who believe they hold the keys to a financial utopia. With moderator Miles Jennings playing the straight man, they laid out their master plan: push forward, regardless of political fuss, to make America the undeniable superpower of Bitcoin. Because why not? If you’re going to dream big, might as well aim for the stars and land in the billionaire club. 🚀💰

Enter Titan of Crypto, the sage of the digital markets, who, in a recent Twitter post, has suggested that Bitcoin may be setting itself up for another run at price discovery. His charts—a delightful tapestry of lines and numbers—point to the Golden Ratio Multiplier, which tantalizingly suggests that Bitcoin could be eyeing $130,000 in the near future. Oh, what a charming number! But don’t get too comfortable just yet. The crypto world doesn’t care much for certainty. 🧐

Forget those sluggish, wallet-draining blockchain scrapes—Square’s got the Lightning Network, which is faster than a jackrabbit on a date and just about as cheap as a pie at a penny arcade. That means you, dear shopper, can buy your lucky charms and fortunes without the usual headache. 💡

In a rather cheeky announcement, the IMF revealed that they’ve reached a staff-level deal with El Salvador as part of their Extended Fund Facility agreement. It’s like a financial game of musical chairs, and guess what? El Salvador is about to lose its seat! 🎶

At the illustrious Bitcoin 2025 conference, held in the dazzling city of Las Vegas on the 27th of May, the company, founded by the illustrious Jack Dorsey, unveiled this remarkable innovation. The feature was paraded with great fanfare at the BTC Inc. merchandise store, as if it were the latest fashion from Bath. 🛍️

During a fireside chat with the Winklevoss twins—yes, those twins—at the Bitcoin 2025 conference on May 27, Sacks, with a twinkle in his eye, admitted he “can’t promise anything.” But hey, there’s a glimmer of hope for the government to snag more Bitcoin (BTC). Who knew budgeting could be so thrilling? 🎢

In a move that only a lawyer could love, Ripple’s legal eagle Stuart Alderoty (think of him as the Gandalf of blockchain law) wrote to the SEC’s Crypto Task Force, asking, “Hey guys, when does a crypto stop being your grandmother’s investment contract?” Meanwhile, the SEC is probably just trying to hide behind a mug that says “I’m with stupid.” ☕️

With a swagger that could make a cowboy jealous, they’re doubling down on their crypto strategy, as if they’ve found a golden nugget in a river of digital dreams. The firm’s confidence in Bitcoin is as strong as a mule on a mission, and they’re not shy about it. By choosing these zero-interest bonds, they’ve sidestepped the pesky burden of debt costs, all while fattening their Bitcoin stash like a farmer preparing for winter. 🐖💰