Big Week? More Like Big Confusion! Bitcoin & Ethereum Head to London Stock Exchange 🤯

Bradley Duke, Managing Director and Head of Europe at Bitwise, spotlights this milestone in a recent tweet: “Big week this week for UK retail investors. From tomorrow morning, UK retail investors will be able to trade, once again, Crypto ETPs. In preparation for this, Bitwise has 4 ETPs ready.” The “direction of travel is clear for crypto,” Duke added. Oh, “once again”? Did they have a previous time where they could trade? Or is this just another “big week” that ends in tears? 🤡

Penguins on Parade: PENGU Waddles to Glory with 5% Leap 🌟

Behold, the Pudgy Penguins are no longer content with the frigid climes of Web3. Igloo Inc., in a stroke of audacious whimsy, has partnered with Invariant to escort PENGU to the hallowed halls of Washington D.C. Yes, dear reader, our tuxedoed friends are now rubbing flippers with policymakers, a spectacle as surreal as it is strategic. This foray into the realm of the bureaucrat is said to lend PENGU an air of legitimacy, though one wonders if the penguins themselves are merely biding their time before demanding a senate seat. 🕴️🗳️

How Chainlink Made the Market Cry and Everyone Smiled! 😂🚀

The esteemed CoinDesk 20 now sits at an impressive 3691.75, up by 5.4%, or in more dramatic terms-about 190.65 points-since everyone’s favorite coffee break at 4 p.m. ET on Friday. Just a casual stroll upwards-like your most optimistic nephew trying to impress the relatives during the holidays.

🚀 Dogecoin’s 36,000% Anomaly: Will It Leap Again? 🐕

Cantonese Cat, ever the drama queen, claims the last cycle was an “anomaly” because Dogecoin just… poof-soared through the Superlchi cloud without so much as a “by your leave.” This time, though, it’s been back-testing the cloud like a disgruntled squirrel hoarding acorns. 🐿️

Ripple vs. Cardano: Which Crypto Will Save Humanity? 🚀

The Friday 10 October crash was almost certainly not expected by any XRP investors, especially given that the $2.72 horizontal support level had been holding so well up to that point. For those with particularly agile fingers and who held plenty of conviction and resolve, buying near the bottom of the candle wick down to $1.60 would have been a great buy, given the alacrity with which the price then shot back up. 🚀