jpyxx 
BTC, that paragon of volatility, slithered to approximately $107,500, while altcoins like ASTER, the market’s most recent tragic hero, suffered losses so steep they might make a stockbroker weep into their tea.
On CNBC’s Squawk Box, Hassett declared the shutdown is “likely to end this week.” Or maybe next week. Or when the universe resets. He also threatened to unleash “stronger measures” against Democrats, which we assume means sending them more emails. 📧
Historically, the end of the year brings optimism… unless you’re XRP, which is like that friend who always says “I’m fine” but then cries in the bathroom. 😭 Crypto market cues are as clear as a foggy mirror. 🧼
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Rover, cool as a cucumber in a pickle jar, ain’t sweating it. While others gnash their teeth like a pack of hungry hounds, he’s sitting pretty, his buy zones prepped and ready. He’s got $50 million in orders waiting, not just for Bitcoin but for Ethereum too. That’s right, he’s hedging his bets like a farmer diversifying his crops. 🌽💰
“I am but a loyal hound to a fickle master,” Nailwal mused on X, “even though my devotion has cost me billions-because nothing says ‘gratitude’ like watching your side project lose value while you nobly refrain from rebranding it as a layer 1. How very Victorian of me.” 😒
Darkfost, a prophet of CryptoQuant, proclaims that BTC stirs in the disbelief phase, a limbo where bears cling to their short positions like children to a security blanket. The evidence? Funding rates, those cryptic whispers of the derivatives market, linger slightly negative at -0.004%, a feeble echo of lingering pessimism.
The plan, set for discussion at an upcoming Financial Services Council meeting, would also allow banking groups to register as licensed crypto-exchange operators, giving retail and corporate clients direct access to digital assets through their existing banks. Because nothing says “trust” like letting your bank handle your crypto. 🤯
The Shiba Inu token, that once barked at the stars, now whimpers at $0.000010, a mere 10% rise from its weekend sorrow. Yet, it pales in comparison to the likes of Zcash and Synthetix, whose gains are as grand as a Ukrainian feast. 🥳🍖
