jpyxx

Quantum Leap or Descent into ETH Madness? 🤯

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“I’m proud to announce…” wrote Francis Zhou, Quantum’s founder, on X, as if this weren’t the most unhinged business strategy since someone decided to sell “diamond hands” as a service. His company now boasts 3,865.84 ETH, valued at $14.8 million, which is either genius or a cry for help. 🤷

My Crypto App Just Died & Took $8M With It 😱💸

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Turns out, some very dedicated hackers took one look at my Ethereum and Unichain smart contracts, spotted a teensy flaw in the Liquidity Distribution Function (fancy, right?), and went full Netflix villain. They exploited flash loans and rounding errors-because nothing says “I hate decimal places” like stealing millions. It’s like someone walked into a bank, asked for $10, then left with $10 million because the calculator rounded up. 😑

🔥 Crypto Chaos: Bunni DEX Bows Out to Hackers! 😱

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With a flourish that would impress a Broadway producer, the Bunni brigade announced in a Thursday tweet and scrawl that due to a non-existent stash of funds, they’ll be calling it quits. “Relaunching Bunni requires a king’s ransom in audits and eagle-eyed security monitors – figures that, regrettably, do not grace our bank account.” Not.

Wall Street’s Wild Guess: Rate Cuts, Crypto Soars, and the Government’s Grand Show

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Meanwhile, the Federal Reserve, that venerable arbiter of Stone Age wisdom, has apparently misplaced access to crucial private employment data from ADP, which covers a hearty 20% of private workers. Reporting from the esteemed WSJ and Kobeissi Letter suggests that the Fed is feeling quite dovish-possibly more than usual-urging rate cuts while the government’s shutdown drags on, like a bad soap opera.