jpyxx The US Bureau of Labor Statistics (the folks who decide how miserable your grocery bills are) is finally serving up the Consumer Price Index (CPI). Spoiler: it’s late because the government shut down, the government! They’re busy perfecting the art of disappearing just when you need them most.
In a post on X earlier this week, the ever-so-confident Mel Mattison-a financial services veteran, no less-announced that buying Bitcoin is the new black. 💼 He believes BTC is entering a bullish phase, hinting at a “massive run” on the horizon. Isn’t that just thrilling?
The ex-President, a man whose pronouncements are often as reliable as a weather forecast dictated by a particularly whimsical goldfish, has deigned to comment on the pardon granted to one Changpeng Zhao – “CZ” to those in the know, or those attempting to appear so. Apparently, a considerable chorus of voices, little songbirds of influence, fluttered around his ear, whispering assurances that the gentleman hadn’t, in fact, done anything terribly dreadful. A fascinatingly vague justification, wouldn’t you agree? 😇
“I believe Bitcoin shall be more esteemed than the lustrous gold,” Marcus intoned into the ether. “With today’s prices on gold, of course, one arrives at the figure of $1.3 million per Bitcoin.” Such assertions of monetary prognostication beyond one’s own experience do instill a rather cheery confidence. Although Marcus, ever modest in jest, professed his deficiency in the art of temporal predictions, he maintained the progressiveness of his forecast over what he tenderly refers to as a “five-to-ten-year” horizon, rather than a near-term bull market. Thus, with Gold’s rarefied pinnacle at $4,381.58/oz recently observed, one must concede to the preposterous notion of Bitcoin’s potential value soaring above $1.53 million. 📉📈
According to Bloomberg (yes, the same folks who tell you how to invest in avocado toast), the Department of Commerce is eyeing the CHIPS Act funds like a kid eyes the last slice of pizza. Their goal? To keep China from out-quantum-ing us. Because nothing says “freedom” like a good old-fashioned tech arms race. 🇺🇸🆚🇨🇳
In case you missed it, Spark has decided to shuffle a chunk of its $9 billion USDS stablecoin reserve into Superstate’s fancy-pants Crypto Carry Fund (USCC). This fund isn’t about fancy jargon and Wall Street mumbo jumbo – it’s all about making those juicy profits by capitalizing on the price difference between crypto assets like Bitcoin (BTC) and Ethereum (ETH) and their futures contracts on the CME. Talk about playing the long game! 🤑
As of October 23, 2025, ol’ SHIB’s trading at a measly $0.0000097, down 88% from its glory days at $0.000088. That’s a fall harder than a greenhorn trying to ride a wild mustang. Investors are scratching their heads like they’ve got a flea infestation, wondering if this dog’ll ever hunt again. 🐴💸
“This is a foundational move,” Tokman goes on, “We’re not just holding these tokens for fun. No, sir, we’re actively putting our money to work in the most innovative-and probably riskiest-digital cash ecosystems out there.”
In a move that screams “we’re serious about world domination,” Aave Labs announced on Oct. 23 that they’ve acquired San Francisco’s Stable Finance in a classic acqui-hire. 🌉🤝 Stable’s founder, Mario Baxter Cabrera, is now Aave’s Director of Product, bringing his entire engineering team along for the ride. Because why break up the band when you can just buy the whole album? 🎸
