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A quiet triumph ensued as shareholders, possibly tired of the usual chaos, decided that more Bitcoin was the answer. 💤💰

From a technical standpoint, after kicking off 2026 with the enthusiasm of a kid on Christmas morning, most top-cap assets have stumbled into the red like a sleep-deprived narcoleptic.

Most critics are pointing fingers at banking lobbyists. But hey, who doesn’t love a good corporate love triangle? Meanwhile, a smaller group is whispering, “Wait… the real winners are those crypto giants who were supposed to fight for us!” 🤭

Upon examining the sacred charts of ETH/USD and ETH/USDT, one might conclude that our beloved Ethereum is caught in a state of existential indecision, a quagmire of uncertainty. Binance’s data, like a sinister oracle, reveals an astonishing $8.79 billion in 24-hour trading volume, yet ETH/USDT remains ensnared in a web of consolidation. Above the $3,000 threshold, we cling to what seems to be a lifeline, preventing a deeper plunge into the abyss, even as the broader market sentiment oscillates wildly like a pendulum driven by unseen forces.

Now, according to the fine print-and I mean finer than a spider’s web-Changpeng Zhao, or CZ as he’s fondly dubbed (no relation to the famous magician, mind you), has taken a seat at the advisory table of this startup. They say it’s all about “alignment.” I reckon that’s just a fancy way of saying, “We’re in cahoots!” Armaan Kalsi, the big cheese and CEO of Genius, boldly claims he’s fashioning an on-chain Binance. Sounds a bit like making a silk purse out of a sow’s ear if you ask me! 🐷✨

The dream? A world where sending crypto is smoother than a country singer’s ballad, with fees that don’t spike higher than a barn-raising in July. No more sweating over gas prices like a hog at a barbecue. Just… peace. 🍋💸

Meanwhile, the cryptocurrency market traded marginally lower as the real-world asset (RWA) sector dragged prices lower. Bitcoin (BTC) dropped to a low of $90,174 on Monday before rebounding to reclaim $92,000. The flagship cryptocurrency is marginally up over the past 24 hours, trading around $92,020. 📉 Just a normal Tuesday, right? 🤷‍♀️

Salad.com, that GPU cloud platform with a heart of gold (and a few GPUs), teams up with Golem Network, the OG of decentralized computing. Together, they’re playing a high-stakes game of “Can DePIN protocols handle the real deal?” 🤔

In an interview with Coindesk, he basically said, “Hey crypto community, stop obsessing over quantum computing. It’s not the villain you think it is!”

Crypto ETF issuer 21Shares, which clearly has a thing for three-digit numbers, filed its prospectus and plans to launch this week. Or maybe next week. The exact date remains a mystery, like the last sock in a laundry pile. This will be the third Dogecoin ETF, joining Grayscale and Bitwise’s offerings, which launched last year like they were auditioning for a reality show called Dogecoin: The Comeback Trail.