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By Shayan, the soothsayer of crypto charts

Polymarket, the prediction market that’s apparently too cool to rush things, is finally getting around to launching a token and an airdrop. CMO Matthew Modabber, while presumably sipping artisanal blockchain tea, explained on the Degenz Live podcast that they could have done this ages ago, but why hurry when you can drag it out like a Netflix season finale?

So the crypto economy decided to throw a tantrum this week. Gained $100B, lost $100B, then casually recovered to $3.83 trillion. Net gain: 3.5%. Exciting stuff. Like watching paint dry, but with more emojis. 🎨

The link between the PMI and Bitcoin’s price, once a mere flicker of curiosity, now burns bright in the minds of crypto prophets. Raoul Pal, that visionary of the crypto desert, first dared to whisper the truth: “All 3 past Bitcoin peaks danced to the PMI’s tune.” 🧙♂️

The bank also whispered secrets about Coinbase’s USDC rewards and new Base-integrated DEX features, which supposedly boost profits and risk-management levers. Or maybe they just wanted to sound important. 🤷‍♂️

Behold! Ripple’s CEO proclaims XRP as the “center of everything,” as if it were the navel of the financial universe. 🌍✨

During an exclusive chat with The Crypto Times’ founder and CEO, Hardik Katariya (a man who surely knows a thing or two about buzzwords), Danny Sanders, Trezor’s CCO, waxed poetic on innovation, self-custody, and the existential dread of AI. One suspects he might have also mentioned coffee, but we shall see.

Crypto sage RealMacro, with a gaze as piercing as a dagger, proclaims that Bitcoin’s price may soon crack like a poorly baked soufflé. 🍰💥 Consolidating around $110,000? A critical inflection point, they say, where the price is as stagnant as a pond in winter. ❄️🌊

Bitcoin slipped into a tight holding pattern, trading below a clean breakout threshold at 08:00 UTC as buyers and sellers marked out a narrow corridor with clear levels above and below. It’s like a Netflix show that never ends. 🍿

If it wiggles past $2.67 without tripping over its own feet, it might just do a somersault to $3.10! But remember, even coins have bad hair days. 💇‍♂️💸