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As if plucked from the pages of a fantastical novel, the announcement, made on April 14, appeared on the company’s Medium page, like a ghostly apparition. This card, dear reader, will allow its fortunate holders to top up with crypto and spend their digital treasures at Mastercard merchants across the globe. A partnership with the Swiss neobank SR Saphirstein AG adds a touch of Alpine charm to this venture, supporting not just Paycoin’s token PCI, but also the illustrious Ethereum (ETH) and the ever-so-stable USD Coin (USDC). Who knew that a card could be so cosmopolitan?

Over the last 72 hours, an excess of 1 million FET has been slyly scooped up in the spot market—an act of stealth accumulation akin to a quiet revolution in the dead of night.

In a missive dispatched via X, on this fourteenth day of April, Mr. Bodily, addressing his 48.2k followers—a considerable number, one must admit—lamented that his Odin.fun account had been breached. He hastened to clarify, however, that this digital trespass “didn’t affect” his Bitcoin wallet. A small comfort, perhaps, in the grand scheme of things. 🤔

Now, gather ’round folks, for the XRP case has caught quite the wind in its sails of late, particularly with our dear nation under the helm of Donald Trump. Just recently, those merry fellows at Ripple and the SEC decided to file a joint motion that’s as cooperative as a pair of cattle at branding time, urging the Appeals Court to place their deliberations in “Abeyance.” Sounds fancy, doesn’t it?

Meanwhile, the altcoins, those lesser luminaries, paused to catch their breath after a weekend of revelry. All except SOL, which, like a determined mountaineer, continued its slow but steady ascent. 🧗‍♂️✨

Now, on April 14th, after this Mantra token lost more money than my Aunt Sally’s failed pickle business ($5.5 billion, if you’re countin’), Binance came out struttin’ like a rooster in a henhouse, trying to explain themselves on that newfangled X platform.

The case, presided over by the People’s Court of Heze Economic Development Zone in the illustrious Shandong Province, involved a staggering sum of 517 million Indian rupees—equivalent to about 40 million RMB—targeting a most unfortunate 66,800 Indians. The nine fraudsters, now facing the consequences of their nefarious actions, have been sentenced to prison and fined for their involvement in this grand-scale deception. One can only hope they find the time to reflect upon their misdeeds whilst incarcerated. 😬

In the grand theater of cryptocurrency, where money flows like vodka at a workers’ revolution, First Digital Labs has emerged triumphant! Their latest attestation report stands like a proud proletarian against the bourgeois accusations of that notorious digital aristocrat, Justin Sun. 🎭

In the concrete jungle of Tokyo, where salary men shuffle like shadows between glass towers, Metaplanet’s fearless leader Simon Gerovich stands atop his digital fortress, counting his virtual gold like a modern-day Midas. The company now clutches 4,525 BTC in its iron grip – worth more than all the vodka in Mother Russia! 🍾

This analyst, who doth conceal his identity under the moniker of “Jack,” hath, upon the social media platform known as X, imparted his wisdom to some 268,200 followers. He doth opine that Bitcoin shall not attain a new zenith this year, owing to the machinations of one Donald Trump, President of the United States, who hath, with a trade war, introduced a certain instability into the market. Oh, the drama! 🎭