jpyxx

By Edris Derakhshi

Instead, it turns out that gold, the ancient shiny rock that’s been around forever, is back in style. In fact, gold’s exchange-traded funds (ETFs) are seeing steady, almost excessive, inflows—like a high school prom king soaking up all the attention. Meanwhile, Bitcoin ETFs are seeing outflows like a water slide with no brakes. Talk about a popularity crisis.

As the market danced around like a wobbly jelly, investors were all ears for trade talks, but alas! The Dow Jones Industrial Average decided to play a game of hide-and-seek, opening lower and then plummeting like a lead balloon, losing a whopping 500 points! All thanks to UnitedHealth, which took a nosedive faster than a cat off a hot tin roof! 🐱💨

Behold, five reasons why the farting specter outpaces all others in the cryptic carnival of coins.

Tabloids, those bottomless pits of human folly, brim with chatter concerning Musk’s latest maternal selection. Yet, when on April 17 Polymarket, that purveyor of speculative fortunes, christened a wager about Fong’s supposed condition, the crypto oracle Vitalik trembled in dismay.

This brave soul, who answers to the noble name of ManSingh and commands a devoted army of over 140,000 YouTube fans (and a mere 127,000 loyal X followers), found himself in hot digital water when YouTube decided to yank the shiny “monetization” badge off his channel. Oh, the horror! No ads, no coins, just cold, hard cyber silence.

The cursed video snippet he unveiled showcased what appeared to be him, speaking in tongues! Mandarin, no less! Utterly conjured by that mischievous imp, AI. The likeness, both in sight and sound, was disturbingly perfect. One might think the devil himself had a hand in it! 😈

In a recent post on X—oh, how they love to parade their digital playgrounds—Schwartz took to the ether of cyberspace, only to be met with the most insidious of responses. A fraudster, lurking like a shadow, dared to lure the unsuspecting masses into a false Telegram group. And oh, how enticing was the link posted in the bio, drawing in those who were foolish enough to click it. What a fine game they play, these scammers—masquerading as those we trust, offering promises of riches that were never theirs to give. But no, dear reader, this was but a trap, a vile snare, a scam! 😡

Picture this: a valiant plunge to a modest $2.05, like a cat testing the waters of a freezing bath. Then, just as the crowd murmurs “It’s over,” XRP staggers straight back up to $2.09, grinning with a 0.84% smirk over the past day. The so-called “near-even” liquidations tally to a princely $4.75 million—a sum that makes you wonder if traders were partly asleep at the keyboard.

Our quirky altcoin hero lingered stubbornly near the $2 mark, like a cat unsure whether to leap or nap—testing the waters repeatedly but refusing to dive. For a fleeting moment, it looked spry, bouncing happily off the support like a gambler winning just enough to stay at the table. But alas, this fairy tale spun a darker thread. The long-suffering support gave up, collapsing with a sharp drop that sliced through the neckline, completing the unfortunate head-and-shoulders ritual dance.