Crypto Cats in Crisis: Bunni DEX Drama, Millions Vanish, Wallets Weep!

Stillness haunted the meadows of DeFi as Bunni, the decentralized exchange birthed from Uniswap v4’s more daring recipe book, found itself at a crossroads: pause, reflect, and sigh. The theft, silent as a vagrant wind, swept $8.4 million-not from one, but several chains-each chain now whispering rumors, shaded with a touch of tragic comedy and incredulity from onlookers who’d seen this opera before.

XRP ETF Approval at 100%? Market Wizard Spills the Tea ☕️🪙

Mark your calendars with the fervor of a man awaiting a lottery ticket, for October is the month when the SEC will conduct its high-stakes ballet. Grayscale will pirouette first on October 18, followed swiftly by the agile duo 21Shares and Bitwise, like dancers tripping on the same shoelace. Then, swooping in with double flair come CoinShares and Canary Capital, and alas, the curtain falls with WisdomTree on October 24. It’s the Kremlin of crypto verdicts, where XRP hopes to be kissed on the cheek like Bitcoin and Ethereum before it.

Altcoins: Whales Are Buying! 🤑

Bitcoin, as is its wont, is moping around at 111,477 dollars, eyeing 112,500 with a sort of cautious optimism. A breach of 115,000, one is told, might result in something resembling excitement, though the RSI suggests one should perhaps keep the smelling salts handy. 🧐

Revolut’s Fancy New Valuation: A Tale of Dreams, Drapes, and Delusions

Revolut logo and financial charts

And what a year it’s been! The company nearly doubled its revenue and profit in 2024, so investors have responded with the kind of enthusiasm that only a good bubble-bursting crash can cure. Expansion into U.S. banking and the crypto cosmos further bolsters its reputation for bold, if somewhat reckless, ambition-like a velociraptor with a penchant for digital currencies.

KuCoin Token [KCS] Soars: Will It Moon or Just Tease? 🚀💸

The KuCoin Token [KCS], a phoenix rising from the ashes of market mediocrity, has been on a tear lately, leaving Bitcoin [BTC] and its altcoin brethren in the dust. While they scrambled to cling to their support levels like shipwrecked sailors, KCS rallied a triumphant 41%. From a modest $10.4 on August 3rd, it has now sashayed to $14.7, as if the market were its personal ballroom. 🕺💃

ETH on Fire? Could Ethereum Really Hit $7K or Just Break Your Heart?

Daily charts tell a story that’s basically “ETH, you’ve got this!” since July, when it strutted from $3,200 upwards like a fashion icon on a runway. Right now, support is lounging at $4,380, while the 50-day EMA is patiently waiting at $4,004. Resistance? The notorious $4,600-$4,700 zone-ETH’s equivalent of that club you can never get into.