jpyxx

The official $TRUMP meme coin is making moves again. Or, as the rest of us are doing, pretending we understand why a cartoon dog with a six-pack is worth investing in. 🐶

The @BitwiseInvest Solana ETF set a new @NYSE record today:

Meanwhile, the cryptocurrency market, like a weary traveler, continues its descent into the abyss of bearish despair, despite the Federal Reserve’s 25 bps rate cut-a gesture as meaningful as a drop in the ocean. 🐻📉

When Plasma’s XPL token debuted a month ago, investors were practically foaming at the mouth to grab a slice of the new blockchain built for stablecoins. It was like the crypto version of a rockstar coming to town-everybody thought it was the next big thing.

Olszewicz, our modern-day Cassandras with a Bloomberg terminal, sketches a yellow path from $111K to $116K-a Sisyphean climb toward “relief,” not salvation. The bulls, he admits, are still clinging to the delusion of a “complex inverse head-and-shoulders,” while the bears chuckle at the daily chart’s head-and-shoulders top, a grotesque parody of balance. The key? A neckline at $105K-$106K, a fragile thread holding back the abyss. Break it, and Bitcoin may yet rediscover the $90Ks and $87.6K-prices so humble, they’d make a goldbug weep. 💸

These new whales are basically the crypto version of a teenager with a learner’s permit. They’re in control now, and the old whales? They’re just sitting back, sipping their crypto-martinis, watching the chaos unfold. 🍸🐳

The global crypto market, ever the prima donna, has pirouetted back into favor after a brief stumble. Post-Fed jitters and liquidity whispers? Bah! The bulls have returned, their horns polished and ready. Bitcoin, that stalwart of the digital age, reclaimed $110,000 with a swagger, while Ethereum’s resurgence signals that risk appetite is back-like a long-lost lover returning with gifts. Analysts, those eternal soothsayers, murmur of an “accumulation phase,” though one wonders if they simply enjoy the sound of their own voices. 🧐📈

Taurus, the Swiss-regulated “digital asset infrastructure provider” (code for “we handle money stuff you probably don’t understand”), just opened a New York office on October 29, 2025. Because what this city truly needs is another crypto Starbucks. Their U.S. expansion now includes Vancouver and… surprise! A new base where bagels are a currency. They’ve also hired Zack Bender as Head of U.S. Business, because nothing says “trust us” like a guy with a title longer than a TikTok dance.

Saylor, the co-founder of Strategy, added that the last 12 months have probably been the best in the industry’s history. He highlighted the SEC’s approval of tokenized securities, US Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent’s support for stablecoins, and the US’ relaxed regulatory stance as key bullish catalysts. 🧙‍♂️✨

🌌 The SEC, now demoted from “gatekeeper” to “bystander,” probably didn’t see that coming. Meanwhile, Solana enthusiasts are sharpening their pitchforks, ready to trade blockchain for brokerage accounts. Because nothing says “financial wisdom” like letting your average Joe trade crypto via platforms that still think Bitcoin is a new kind of pizza topping. 💸