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JUST IN: 🚨 Jack Ma’s (Alibaba founder) Yunfeng Financial Group Limited buys 10,000 ETH as “reserve asset.”

Under the steady hand of Michael Saylor, the firm has recently picked up 4,048 Bitcoin for a cool $449.3 million, bumping their total holdings to a staggering 636,505 BTC. That’s not just pocket change; it’s worth over $69 billion at current prices. No, I’m not making this up. 👀

Let us peer into the cryptic scrolls of regulatory filings, those sacred tomes of our times, whispered through Bloomberg Law on a Tuesday no less-a day fitting for such portentous declarations. Figure, that proud creature of the digital abyss, plans to hawk 21.5 million shares at a trifling $18 to $20 each, revealing a valuation dizzily tipping toward $4.3 billion. Existing holders, those curious souls who first fell under the spell, are expected to cast away 4.9 million shares, perhaps to the delight of some future fool or engineer of dreams.

Their proclamation, wrapped in pomp and the vapor of hope, declares that this “fully managed solution” will propel businesses and governments into the future-a future where they dance on the blockchain without even touching the cursed crypto. Ah, how noble! How utopian! Yet behind the veil of sophistication lies a simple truth-these men sell ease as salvation while hiding the labyrinthine hardships of control, compliance, and the ghostly specter of unseen fees. 🔮

Spetz (SPTZ), aka SonicStrategy, is rolling in $40 million from Sonic Labs. It’s like Monopoly money, but real… mostly. 🤑

Ah, the age-old tale of humanity’s insatiable quest for progress-or at least for slightly better returns on investment. Enter Yunfeng Financial Group, a firm with ties to none other than Jack Ma, the man who turned Alibaba into a global giant while probably sipping tea and contemplating life’s deeper mysteries. Now, they’ve decided to dip their toes into the swirling, chaotic ocean of ether (ETH). And why not? After all, if you can’t beat the crypto enthusiasts, join them-preferably with $44 million in hand. 💼✨

Earlier, heavy selling pushed the token toward $840, where it found a support level like a crypto version of a safety net. CoinDesk Research’s technical analysis model says buyers swooped in to save the day-cue the confetti. 🎉 But let’s not get too excited; crypto’s emotional support tokens are all over the place.

Hold on to your hats! BTC has soared between a jaw-dropping 145% and a mind-boggling 304% in just a year post-gold peaks! 🎩💸

According to a Tuesday proclamation, BitMine boasts 1,866,974 Ether-nearly 1.55% of the entire ETH supply, 192 Bitcoin, and a cool $635 million in cash. This totals a staggering $8.98 billion in assets! 🧙‍♂️💰

This move is a bold, shiny step forward for Gemini, aiming to expand its dominion in the wildly competitive cryptocurrency exchange universe. If it all sounds a bit like a scene from a soap opera, well – you’re not wrong. Stay tuned, because in the world of crypto IPOs, the drama never ends!