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Chairman Atkins, with the solemnity of a man announcing a national holiday, declared regulations must “fit the asset class.” A noble sentiment, though one wonders why this epiphany arrived only after years of legal acrobatics. The 2020 amendments, it seems, had stretched the rule’s tendrils into realms where they were neither wanted nor particularly hygienic. Fixed-income markets, bless their coupon-paying hearts, were spared a fate worse than regulatory death, while crypto, that sly fox in the henhouse, remains unshackled-though not unwatched.

Picture the world’s grandest exchange, its depths measured in trade volume, rejecting the rumors that its coffers sang the messages of a sanctioned nation. In a tone that might have been sung by an old saint on the riverbank, Binance draws a line between fact and fantasy, and insists the adornment of its deeds is the law.

The Buenos Aires court, with all the seriousness of a well‑dressed but easily offended, has directed regulators to enforce the prohibition on the basis that the platform operates well outside the country’s tidy legal gambling framework.

Today, on this fateful day of March 17, 2026, Bitcoin engages in a noble struggle to breach even higher realms, propelled by the ongoing drama of a short squeeze in the derivatives market, where bearish traders find themselves in a most precarious position as prices stubbornly refuse to yield.

This little leadership tango follows the departure of Eric Turner, who, after a mere two years, has decided to exit stage left. Turner, you may recall, stepped into the breach in July 2024 after founder Ryan Selkis threw in the towel. Ah, the merry-go-round of corporate life!

Bitcoin, that most mercurial of stage divas, has entered the March 18 Federal Open Market Committee (FOMC) meeting with the swagger of a matador who’s just spotted a bull with a coupon. Having reclaimed the $70,000 threshold like a prodigal son returning to his mother’s apron strings, Bitfinex analysts claim the market is now playing a game of “absorption chess”-a financial parlor trick where institutions hoover up supply while retail traders squabble over whether to sell the family cow for crypto.

Yes, the quarterly earnings treadmill-the one where executives sprint in circles, analysts argue over decimal places like they’re ancient prophecies, and CEOs sweat through conference calls like it’s a sauna with a PowerPoint-is finally getting a stern talking-to from regulators.

MEXC, the crypto folks who apparently never sleep, have launched a prediction market for trading on the outcome of life itself-well, at least the headlines. While Polymarket and Kalshi hog most of the pie, MEXC is hoping the lure of “free” trading will get a few crumbs in their hands.

For Ethereum, a crucial indicator has flipped to “buy” for the first time in months.

Authorities reportedly recovered the document from a mobile phone during a forensic examination linked to the ongoing investigation. Naturally, the phone was probably left in a taxi or lent to a friend who “accidentally” became a whistleblower.