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Behold, the OBV hath fallen lower than a drunken bureaucrat’s dignity in August – a dire omen of October’s selling frenzy. 📉💨

This inquiry, though modest in intent, ignited a tempest of replies, revealing a schism between the token’s lofty aspirations and its pedestrian adoption. Some among the XRP faithful, one suspects with tea cups rattling, took umbrage at the mere suggestion of scrutiny. “Ignorance!” they cried. “Lack of research!” they hissed, as if such accusations might silence the wolves.

Sam Bankman-Fried, in a move that can only be described as “impressive,” maintains that FTX was never truly insolvent. He goes on to argue that the missing $8 billion in customer funds didn’t actually vanish. In fact, according to the newest bankruptcy filings, a staggering 98% of creditors have already received 120% repayment, and full recoveries could reach anywhere from 119% to 143%. Even after handing out $8 billion in claims and $1 billion in legal fees, the FTX estate reportedly still has around $8 billion sitting comfortably in its vault. This new revelation has reignited debates surrounding the company’s implosion and SBF’s valiant defense of… well, whatever’s left of his reputation.

Nomura now foresees a tranquil December, with rates standing still, rather than descending once more.

The Bitcoin ETFs, though valiant, witnessed a combined outflow of $488.43 million. The illustrious BlackRock, ever the paragon of financial prowess, reported the largest withdrawal of $290.88 million. Other funds, such as Ark & 21Shares ARKB, Bitwise BITB, and Grayscale GBTC, exhibited moderate sell-offs, as if they were merely strolling through a garden rather than a financial abyss. 🌸

According to a Reuters report (you know, the one that dropped on October 30th, right between your pumpkin spice latte and Halloween candy binge), dYdX is ready to sprinkle its crypto magic across the U.S. for the first time. Eddie Zhang, the platform’s president, says this move is all about the long game-like a chess master who’s three moves ahead, except he’s playing with digital coins instead of rooks. ♟️

Verily, it is said that the engagement of established Houses with these novel “digital assets” doth increase apace. Galaxy Digital Inc. (a name which, admittedly, sounds more suited to a fantastical saga than sober commerce) hath announced, on the twenty-ninth day of October, a meshing of its staking infrastructure with the formidable Coinbase Prime, that purveyor of prime brokerage services for those who dabble in cryptocurrencies. Thus, the institutional clients, those weighty purses and cautious dispositions, shall gain access to Galaxy’s network of validators directly through Coinbase’s coffers. A streamlining, they call it! Efficiency, they boast! One suspects it is merely a more elegant method of separating fools from their fortunes.

Recent whispers from the ledger of Hyperliquid Daily paint a frantic scene: those daring short sellers are clinging to a precipice, their positions squeezed with a ferocity that inspired a wry chuckle. The largest short, worth a whopping $66.35 million, now stands exposed with a 13.4% unrealized loss, while other large shorts echo their misery. This delightful spectacle suggests bears have been valiantly clashing against the bullish tide since the uptrend began, and we might soon witness a breathtaking cascade of liquidations if the price dares to climb further.

Just this Thursday, amid the digital cacophony, Long took to the mythical realm of X (formerly Twitter, still confusing), proclaiming that institutions across Gaia are increasingly dipping their toes into the blockchain’s sparkling pool of-wait for it-transparency, speed, and a dash of “we told you so.”

O, Solana, thou art a tragic hero, thy price tumbling 8% on Thursday, a continuation of thy sorrowful decline. The fickle crowd, who once hailed thee as a savior, now mock thy plight. 🤡