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Bitcoin (BTC) did the financial equivalent of tripping over its shoelaces when it dipped beneath the psychologically significant $70,000 level for the first time since March 12. This no doubt sent traders into a tizzy, as a volatile reversal erased more than 3% of its value faster than you can say “Satoshi Nakamoto.” According to market data, our beloved cryptocurrency bottomed out at $69,536, all thanks to reports of a massive liquidation by a Satoshi-era whale. But fear not! Bitcoin showcased its trademark resilience, reclaiming $70,500 within a mere three hours before deciding that $70,200 was a nice place to hang out for a while.

McEvoy’s thesis, you see, is as elegant as it is audacious. “Zcash is the most mispriced asset in crypto,” he declared, “because privacy is the most mispriced asset in society. The market has no real framework for valuing privacy, so it gets ignored. The upside is asymmetric nonetheless.” How droll! Imagine that: an entire industry failing to price discretion, as if one could simply stroll through life shouting their bank balance at every passerby.

The updated filing (because the first one was so last season) covers the Morgan Stanley Bitcoin Trust, set to trade under the ticker MSBT on NYSE Arca. It’s the most detailed version yet, finally confirming that they’ve figured out how to price shares daily using the CoinDesk Bitcoin Benchmark. Specifically, they’re using the 4:00 PM New York settlement rate, which is basically the crypto equivalent of “happy hour pricing.”

The enforcers at the Financial Transactions and Reports Analysis Centre of Canada (FINTRAC) have decided it’s high time to tidy up the digital currency playground. They’re on the hunt for those firms that can’t seem to keep their noses clean in the game of anti-money laundering and counterterrorism financing-rules that, let’s be honest, should be as easy to follow as a well-marked hiking trail. Out of the 50 licenses revoked, a staggering 47 of them are linked to crypto businesses-those bustling exchanges, the ever-convenient ATM operators, and the payment processors that have suddenly found themselves on the wrong side of the law.

Behold, the seer of the digital realm, Crypto Patel, who claims Bitcoin has now entered its most pivotal zone of 2026. The reaction within this enigmatic order block shall determine whether the coin ascends to the heavens or descends into the netherworld. Such is the folly of those who place their faith in numbers, as if the future were a matter of arithmetic rather than the whims of capricious fortune.

CoinEx, ever the optimist, claims Bitcoin’s destiny now hinges on “macro liquidity” and “institutional flows,” as if those terms were incantations to summon sanity from chaos. Their report, Crypto Market Outlook 2026: Unlock Certainty in Volatility, predicts $180,000 per Bitcoin. A number plucked from a hat? No-merely probability-weighted, they say, as if probabilities were not just educated guesses in a trench coat.

Per the official communiqué released Wednesday, Evernorth has submitted a Form S-4 registration statement to the SEC, now awaiting regulatory nodding approval. How thrilling, one might say, to dance the bureaucratic waltz once more.

It was but a mere half-year ago, in September 2025, that Nasdaq dared to dream this audacious proposal into existence. And after a seven-month sojourn through the labyrinthine corridors of regulatory scrutiny, it has emerged triumphant! The tokenized stocks, those curious digital phantoms, will now cavort alongside their traditional counterparts on the same order book, brandishing identical tickers and CUSIP numbers, as if they were long-lost twins reunited at last!

One cannot help but chuckle at the audacity of it all. The founder of SlowMist, who amusingly chooses to go by the moniker Evilcos, took to the digital streets to warn the masses, branding this practice as not merely unsafe, but utterly ludicrous.

Cryptocurrency exchange platform Kucoin is set to debut a series of immersive activations at the electronic music festival Tomorrowland Winter 2026 as part of its ongoing partnership with the event. The festival, which runs from March 21-28 in the French alpine resort of Alpe d’Huez, will feature performances from internationally acclaimed artists including Steve Aoki, Steve Angello, Lost Frequencies, and Dimitri Vegas.