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By the grace of modern alchemy, bitcointreasuries.net shared a shiny scroll showin’ public firms hoardin’ more Bitcoin than a dustbowl farmer hoards rainwater. At the head of the pack rides Strategy (MSTR) with 636,505 BTC-call it the new gold rush, minus the pickaxes and with more spreadsheets. Close behind: MARA Holdings (MARA) with 50,639 BTC, XXI (CEP) with 43,514 BTC, and the rest trailin’ like tumbleweeds-BSTR at 30k, BLSH at 24k. 🏜️

The weekly chart shows this pretty clearly. The mid-line at $2.60 has held as support, but price action has stayed close to it rather than testing the upper boundary at $3.46. Every time XRP tries to lift, it gets to the point where it’s just about to gain traction, but then it hits a wall and falls back to its base. 🚀

Pour yourself a coffee, or perhaps something stronger, for today’s market mood is as precarious as a nihilist’s faith. All hangs on a single data point-a mere whisper from the ADP Jobs Report-that could send Bitcoin spiraling into the abyss or soaring to the heavens. ☕⚖️

The rate of DOGE has fallen by 0.19% over the last day. A drop so dramatic, it could make a cactus weep. 🌵

Bitcoin, that ol’ faithful, is down by 0.7% in the last 24 hours. Nothing too catastrophic, just enough to remind you that the market has a cruel sense of humor. The decline picked up a little pace since midnight UTC, falling by 0.9%. A round of applause for consistency.

But what makes Solana truly special, you ask? Ah, let us not forget its Proof of History design-a concept so clever, it might have been whispered into the ear of its creators by some otherworldly entity. Low costs? Check. Simple user experience? Double check. And oh, the hub for meme coins, NFTs, and trading apps-it’s like a carnival for the blockchain-savvy!

The esteemed Cryptorank, a repository of all things cryptographically enlightening, has observed that XRP has, in the past, graced the month of September with an average monthly return of 13.8%. This trend, as steady as the heart of a true gentleman, indicates that XRP may once again charm the markets and perhaps even flirt with the coveted $3 mark. Indeed, the last three Septembers have been particularly kind to this altcoin, each closing in the green-a testament to its enduring appeal and resilience.

The astute researchers at ReversingLabs, ever vigilant in their pursuit of digital villains, have unearthed two deceptive JavaScript packages, christened “colortoolsv2” and “mimelib2,” nestled within the hallowed grounds of the Node Package Manager (NPM). These packages, introduced in the balmy month of July, employ a cunning stratagem to deceive even the most discerning security systems, concealing their malevolent intentions within the sanctity of Ethereum smart contracts.

Born into the world on the 1st of September with a grandiose circulating supply of 25 billion tokens, it promised riches – or at least a show worth watching. Yet, barely two days later, on the 3rd, the mighty digital pyromaniacs incinerated a whopping 47 million tokens. Poof! Like a magician waving his wand-too little, too late, my friends, for the price ballooned downward in a tragicomic ballet of chaos and panic.

On a mundane Tuesday (as if Tuesdays weren’t already suspect), the FSA, in its wisdom-or delightful obsession-suggested shoving crypto under the stern tutelage of the Financial Instruments and Exchange Act (FIEA), unceremoniously evicting it from the cushy confines of the Payment Services Act. Why? To swathe investors in a velvety cloak of protection and to make crypto dance obediently to the age-old tunes of securities laws.