jpyxx Fear not, dear customer! While a shadowy villain prodded about undetected in the unbidden corners of their operational lair, no sacred riches of the patrons were pillaged. This nefarious breach, traced to a wallet born from the depths of Tornado Cash, now leaves a cloud of bewilderment over the merchants of trust who still toil in this digital market! 🎩💸
Platforms like Mudrex and CoinDCX are reporting a veritable tsunami of activity, with HNI trading volume spiking by 25–30% in July – because who doesn’t love a good spike, am I right? 🤷♂️. The elite investors, to the tune of 3,500, now account for nearly half of CoinDCX’s trading activity, with their eyes fixed greedily on assets like Bitcoin, Ethereum, Solana, and XRP – it’s like they’re at an all-you-can-eat cryptocurrency buffet 🍴.
Zeberg’s chart-topping analysis (get it? 🤣) reveals a sneaky five-wave pattern, culminating in an “expanding diagonal” that’s music to the ears of altcoin enthusiasts. His technical wizardry suggests that Bitcoin dominance is about to take a nosedive, plummeting to 30% or maybe even 24% – a level not seen since the dark ages of 2018. 🔮
This massive haul was recovered from a money-laundering operation, and now it’s causing quite a stir. Victims are clamoring for their fair share, but the prosecutors are playing hardball, asking the High Court to let them keep the loot. Because, you know, nothing says “public service” like keeping a few billion in digital currency for yourself. 🕵️♀️💸
The first few months were, shall we say, a bit like watching a tortoise attempt the hurdles. Lots of money going in, mostly to hide other money going out of something called Grayscale’s Ethereum Trust (ETHE), which sounded suspiciously like a particularly gloomy weather system. Then, things got… interesting. And by interesting, I mean money started piling in. Like a dragon guarding a hoard, except the hoard is digital and probably won’t buy you a decent castle. 🐉
This signal is called the “golden cross” – not because it’s made of gold, but because it’s a fancy term for when the 50-day simple moving average (SMA) does a little dance with the 200-day equivalent 💃. And when it does, big things can happen! (Or not. But that’s not as exciting, is it?)
Authorities—those tireless sentinels against chaos—charged Robert R. Rosales Rivero and Geniver Antonio Pinuela Testa with the crimes of conspiracy and theft, for draining a sum of $107,635 from Isabella Bank’s ATM citadels, as if robbing a temple of its sacred gold. The report, a grim tapestry of digital skulduggery, reveals the duo’s scheme: a sinister ballet of malware, glue, and electronic deceit, choreographed to fool the mechanical gods of cash. 💰
Floki [FLOKI], that erstwhile darling of the memecoin set, has been on a tear, rallying a not-insignificant 41% in the past five days alone, all while its bulls were busy conquering critical strongholds like $0.000096 and $0.000123, now flipped to support with all the fervor of a newly minted convert 🤑
Source – X (formerly Twitter, before it became an app for existential crises)
The author of “Rich Dad Poor Dad”—a title I suspect has funded more holidays than actual financial independence—has, with characteristic fanfare, declared the precise moment he will deign to acquire more of this digital bauble and, crucially, when he shall abstain. His book, a perennial bestseller, apparently continues to assist the masses in rethinking money, though one wonders if they are truly *listening*. 🙄
