jpyxx 
According to ZachXBT, an on-chain sleuth with more aliases than a spy novel protagonist, the heist went down smoother than butter on a summer biscuit. The thief siphoned off millions from CoinDCX and promptly started playing musical chairs with the stolen funds—bridging some from Solana (SOL) over to Ethereum (ETH). It’s almost poetic in its chaos, isn’t it?
A senior JPMorgan Chase & Co. executive has dismissed concerns that the spiraling national debt and President Donald Trump’s tariff policies threaten to upend the U.S. dominance. Jacob Manoukian, JPMorgan’s U.S. head of investment strategy, argues that the fears are largely baseless, and he, for one, will not be paying attention to the “sell America” mantra. After all, who needs a good reason when you have a good cocktail? 🍸
The update, you see, is all about polishing the gears of system operations and network performance. Yet, it rudely ignores any alterations to HBAR tokenomics or smart contract execution—how terribly inconsiderate of it. 😂
The Dow decided to shimmy up 220 points (that’s 0.52%, in case you’re keeping score), while the S&P 500 and Nasdaq followed suit with gains of 0.58% and 0.75%, respectively. It’s almost like everyone collectively agreed to pretend we’re not living in an economic version of Jenga—where one wrong move could send the whole thing crashing down. But hey, optimism! 🎉✨
Analysts squint at their charts, tipping their hats to short-term setups that continue to favor upside movement, as if they were seers gazing into a crystal ball! 💼🔮 With buying volume refusing to budge, it’s as if the market participants are huddled together in anticipation, like kids awaiting the final piece of the puzzle that promises a grand object of desire. Who knows? Maybe a gourmet cupcake or a shiny new toy awaits! 🍰🎁
Oh, what a festive rally it has been! Carried by the winds of increased trading volume and fanciful technical indicators, this price oscillates just above the illustrious $1.25, tantalizingly close to the next resistance level of $1.30, as though it were a shy maiden peeking from behind a curtain. 🎭
Our beloved JasmyCoin [JASMY], in the span of a mere day, has ascended by the notable figure of 15%, thereby providing a splendid monthly performance of 62%. This, one could say, is a most delightful reflection of a prevailing bullish sentiment. Yet, upon deeper reflection, the market data reveals a tapestry of contradictory signals—how quaint!
Enter Fusaka, the upgrade with a name that sounds like a rejected sushi roll. While its release remains as tentative as a cat deciding whether to sit on your keyboard, testing is moving forward at what can only be described as “blockchain speed.” A new devnet is expected this week, featuring 11 proposed improvements. Among them is EIP-7825, which promises to strengthen security and scalability—because nothing screams “trustworthy” like code written by people who wear hoodies indoors. Meanwhile, features like EIP-7907 and the controversial EVM Object Format have been dropped, presumably to make room for more bugs. 🐜
On the vast digital battleground we call X, PlanB bursts forth with his logic, suggesting Bitcoin’s S2F ratio struts about proudly at 120, while the golden oldie shuffles behind with a mundane 60. Scarcity, it appears, has given Bitcoin a golden crown despite gold’s nobility. Quite the absurd twist, eh? 🧐
Imagine, if you will, a magical creature that grows by 2.07% in just 24 hours. That’s right, the rate of Ethereum (ETH) has done just that, leaving us all wondering what sorcery is at play here! 🧙♂️✨