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This week’s token unlocks are so big, they’ll make your wallet weep. Key suspects include:

The crypto realm, once a gilded goose laying golden eggs, now clucks feebly. Ethereum, that proud peacock, lost 2.55% of its plumage. Solana (SOL), once a comet, dimmed by 4.76%. The market’s indifference to joyous tidings speaks volumes of a soul parched by greed and thirsting for chaos.

Everyone knows the conference is a big deal-top brass from places that do not exist just to make money, flutter in and out. Brad Garlinghouse, Chris Larsen, and their merry band of Ripple grandees will prance on stage, perhaps to announce breakthroughs, partnerships, or merely to show off their shiny watches. Funnily enough, the crowd includes big shots from Franklin Templeton, Citigroup, Fidelity-the usual suspects in a game where every handshake could mean a new ripple of the tide or a sinking ship.

In Tehran’s industrial zones, you’d stumble upon these shady mining farms that’d make Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory look quaint. Egg fried in factories, potato crisps heating up food plants, and a maze of tunnels set underground like some sort of subterranean tech disco. And the cherry on top? Miners taking advantage of Iran’s hearty public power subsidies. Spoiler: Iran makes mining Bitcoin as cheap as a fast-food burger, folks!

Okay, so it’s not exactly breaking news that bitcoin is doing the financial equivalent of a toddler throwing a tantrum while the rest of the market celebrates. Other risk assets have been cruising at record highs, while BTC is just kind of…meh.

Basically, there’s this magic price point at $2.54. If it breaks that, things might get interesting. If not, well, we’ll probably just be back here talking about a 0.6% wiggle.

Now, the Canary XRP ETF might just flap its wings and take flight on Nov. 13, provided Nasdaq gives its 8-A filing the ol’ thumbs up. 🤞 And Bloomberg’s ETF whisperer, James Seyffart, reckons Bitwise’s XRP ETF could launch in the next 20 days, thanks to its snappy legal jargon. Meanwhile, Solana, HBAR, and LTC spot ETFs already hit the ground running this week, with Bitwise’s Solana ETF, BSOL, outpacing the competition like a hound dog after a rabbit. According to Bloomberg’s Eric Balchunas, it raked in $417 million in weekly inflows, leaving even BlackRock’s Bitcoin ETF in the dust. 🏎️💨

Ah, Ripple-the enigmatic darling of the crypto cosmos-has once again strutted onto the stage, leaving Solana to play the supporting role in this financial farce. While Western Union flirts with Solana for its USDPT rollout in 2026, Ripple’s supporters are busy sipping tea and whispering, “Darling, billions are so passé.” 😏

On Saturday, November 1, Bloomberg reported that Ozer died in his prison cell in the F-Type High Security Closed Prison in Tekirdag. The authorities are now investigating, but let’s be real – if you’re in a cell with a bathroom, the options are limited. 💸

Why? Because testing ideas in the “concept” phase is so 2024. Now, it’s all about putting theory to practice. This isn’t a test run at a local tech startup hackathon-no, no, Malaysia is rolling up its sleeves with some serious, live pilots.