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But wait! There’s a twist worthy of Tolstoy himself. Paxos has vowed not to rake in profits until USDH reaches its Total Value Locked (TVL) target. How noble! And when they do start earning, fees will be capped at 5%-paid, naturally, in HYPE. Because nothing says “trustworthy currency” like an acronym that sounds like a teenager’s text message.

Ah, but the irony! A company that thrives in the decentralized wilderness now seeks the embrace of centralized grandeur. The U.S. capital markets, with their marble halls and institutional whispers, have opened their arms. Yet, SOL Strategies remains a dual citizen, straddling two worlds like a tightrope walker with a penchant for drama. 🎭💼

Envision a world where traders cling to their positions like barnacles, immune to the tiresome ritual of contract rolling. A new clarity dawns for both the mighty institutional titans and the humble retail dreamers.

According to some dusty filing with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC), Grayscale wants to turn its Bitcoin Cash Trust into an ETF. If the SEC gives it the nod-and let’s be honest, that’s a big “if”-this’ll be the first Bitcoin Cash ETF in the U.S. History in the making, folks, or just another piece of paperwork for the SEC to ignore. 🤷‍♂️

Let’s talk about the world’s largest crypto exchange, Binance, which recently decided to spice up its futures program. How do you “enhance user experience”? By launching FLOCK/USDT and SKY/USDT perpetual contracts with 75x leverage, of course. Because who *doesn’t* want to gamble with their grandma’s dentures? Perpetual contracts-no expiry, no mercy. Either you’re rich, or you’re broke and living in a van down by the river. And now, you can use BTC as margin. Because nothing says “financial stability” like trading with Bitcoin as your emotional support animal.

Claiming the distinction as the first Nasdaq-listed outfit to build a corporate treasury policy around Chainlink, CaliberCos politely called their inaugural LINK purchase a “system test.” Translation: “We’re trying not to blow anything up just yet.” They plan to pile on more tokens gradually, funded by what sounds like a financial cocktail of equity lines of credit, cash stashed under the mattress, and equity-based securities.

The latest proposal from Ethena is serving pure drama by positioning USDH as “Hyperliquid-first.” It’s backed 100% by USDtb, which, darling, is nestled snugly in Blackrock’s BUIDL fund via Securitize. Robert Mitchnick, Blackrock’s head of digital assets, quipped:

These ain’t your grandpappy’s futures, though. Cboe’s concocting perpetual-style contracts that stretch out like a desert highway-up to 10 years, no less. Cash-settled, mind you, so no one’s lugging sacks of digital coins around. They’ll be pegged to spot prices with daily tweaks, a funding rate dance as transparent as a saloon’s whiskey glass. 🥃

On the digital steppe of X posts, Jungle revealed his musings. Imagine, if you will, a spot XRP ETF-approved not merely to tickle the pockets of the mundane investor but to fundamentally twist the very spirit and behavior of the altcoin’s market dance. The ghost of Bitcoin’s past loomed large, especially in the aftermath of BlackRock’s Bitcoin ETF IBIT, which turned turbulence into an uneasy new stability.

Giwa, or as they so poetically call it, “Global Infrastructure for Web3 Access,” promises to untangle the Gordian Knot of Ethereum’s sluggish transactions. Imagine this: blocks processed every single second. Yes, dear reader, your transactions shall now be faster than a Victorian aristocrat fleeing a scandal. What a time to be alive!