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Let me translate the bitcoin drama for you: imagine a soap opera where the hero (that’s BTC) went from $105K to $123K like it was born with a silver spoon, only to crash back down to $114K because adulthood is hard. Now it’s stuck in a “consolidation phase,” which is finance-speak for “nobody knows what the heck is going on.” The support level’s at $112K, and resistance is somewhere between $118K and $120K. Basically, bulls are trying to throw a parade, but the bears won’t stop blaring air horns. 🎺

In his latest “let’s pretend we’re all financial wizards” session, Cowen spilled the tea to his 917,000 YouTube subscribers (yes, he’s that popular). Apparently, Ethereum has finally gotten its act together and formed a “higher macro low,” which is basically crypto-speak for “it’s time to shine, baby!” 🌟

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The AI gold rush has everyone from Microsoft to Meta acting like they’ve inherited a trust fund from a grumpy 19th-century tycoon. 💸 But here’s the twist: they’re splashing cash on servers, GPUs, and power bills like they’re at a tech-themed Burning Man. Greg Ip, WSJ’s resident economics sage, points out that while profits are up, free cash flow—the lifeblood of a company that doesn’t want to live paycheck to paycheck—is vanishing faster than a Bitcoin wallet in a coffee shop.

Apparently, our dear US economy threw a few curveballs—a bunch of signals, FOMC meetings, and macro data, all coming in surprisingly better than expected, which in crypto land, usually means “Uh-oh, maybe don’t get too excited just yet.”

Last Wednesday, the not-so-mysterious working group, led by none other than President Trump’s crew — because who said you can’t have a little irony in crypto? — rolled out a report filled with shiny recommendations on how to organize the chaos: market structure, banking regulations, and how to get the US dollar to wear a crown of stablecoins and crypto taxes, because apparently that’s what’s trendy now.

Picture a tiny, tubby penguin perched on a frosty step marked $0.0315. The wind howls, traders tremble, then Mr. Ali Martinez waddles in wearing thermal socks, proclaiming: “This shelf is packed with more buyers than a pudding factory at lunchtime!”

The trip lasted all of 11 minutes (yes, shorter than your average Zoom meeting). But for Sun, it was a historic flex: youngest Chinese-born astronaut, first crypto mogul on a Forbes cover to touch the stratosphere, and—if we’re being honest—the most expensive “I’m here!” ever. 🌍✨

According to AdaStat’s latest gossip — I mean data — the proposal sailed through with 74% support. That’s 200 voices shouting “Yes!” amidst only six uttering “No,” and seven modest abstainers. Quite the democratic fete, don’t you think? The funds, much like the czar’s treasury, will emanate from the decentralized depths of the on-chain coffers, pioneering a new era where even the noblest protocols get direct cash infusion. Is this the dawn of genuine governance or just finance masquerading as progress? Well, that’s a chat for another coffee. ☕

Per crypto.news, Ethena (ENA) was trading at $0.61 at press time, a modest 11% gain over the past 24 hours. This latest leap extends its 30-day rally to a staggering 142%. Trading volume has swelled by 33%, propelling ENA to the top of the day’s performers and securing its place as the 41st most valuable cryptocurrency. 🌟