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In a proclamation issued on a Thursday, as if the day itself were a harbinger of destiny, Ripple declared that this unholy alliance would harness the mystical powers of tokenized money market funds (TMMFs) and their own stablecoin, RLUSD. A stablecoin, mind you, in a world where stability is as rare as a virtuous man in a Tolstoy novel. 😏

The good folks at the RCMP proudly announced with the same gusto one reserves for celebrity gossip, “Behold, the largest cryptocurrency seizure in Cdn history!” – over 56 million Canadian bucks (a tidy $40.6 million), all from poor TradeOgre, which cleverly masqueraded itself as a “KYC-free” paradise. Apparently, not checking if people’s IDs match their bank statements is a big no-no in their world. 🗽✖️

Now, let’s not forget the 200-day moving average and mid-term trendline, which appear to be the supportive friends in this financial saga, holding their ground and reinforcing bullish momentum above the much-coveted support zone between $21 and $22. Yes, the support zone-the one that everyone talks about but nobody wants to visit on a Saturday night.

The deal, backed by UAE-based Pulsar Group (a firm whose name sounds like a disco ball), ARK Invest (the crypto cheerleader), and the Solana Foundation (the blockchain’s version of a fairy godmother), is a masterclass in corporate alchemy. Turn football clubs into digital assets; replace stadiums with servers. Why not? The stock price surged 225%-proof that Wall Street’s collective IQ is now lower than a goldfish on a treadmill. 🐠

BDACS, a crypto custody firm with a name as serious as a surgeon’s, announced this digital marvel after shaking hands with Woori Bank-the country’s financial Goliath-and passing technical tests that probably included some caffeine-fueled nights and sighs of relief. Each of these KRW1 tokens is backed by real Korean won, safely locked away under the watchful gaze of Woori Bank, which hopefully doesn’t hide it under a mattress. 🛏️💸

The letter, sent on Wednesday, is quite the head-turner. The lawmakers took issue with the SEC’s sudden change of heart on a certain Mr. Justin Sun, Tron’s illustrious founder and CEO. It turns out, after a lawsuit was filed against Mr. Sun back in 2023 for allegedly offering unregistered securities, the SEC decided to hit pause on the whole affair in February. This, mind you, was just a month after the rather dramatic departure of former Chair Gary Gensler. Suspicious? Oh, you bet. 🎭

Now, unlike those poor, beleaguered crypto ETFs that waded through the bureaucratic swamp known as the Securities Act of 1933 (a truly torturous tale involving Grayscale and Bitwise, among the usual suspects), our dear friend $DOJE has executed a cunning pirouette through the Investment Company Act of 1940. A clever legal hack, one might say, akin to a raccoon sneaking into a pantry. One can almost hear the whispers in the street: “A Solana Staking ETF? How droll!”

In the beginning, DOGE was but a jest, a coin born of mirth and memes. Yet lo, it hath risen to claim the seventh throne among meme coin kings. Lately, it touched the zenith of 0.43 USD, a peak unseen in three years, ere the tide receded slightly. Now, it dances at 0.3832 USD, a 2% descent in the last day, 5% in the week, after its brief euphoria. Thus, the great ones turn their gaze to nascent ventures.

In a grand unveiling, the company proudly proclaimed it had snatched up 278,011 LINK tokens at a brisk price of $23.38 each, fees and all, as if they were buying sweets from a vendor at the county fair. This moment marked not just the largest single lob into the digital pond under their strategy, but also their second waffle-fry in the world of tokens. With this bold trip into the wild unknown, they now clutch $6.7 million worth of LINK in their trembling hands, standing tall as one of the biggest fish in this quirky little pond they call the public market. 🐟

While the crypto stage remains in its corrective intermission since late 2024, the following five coins refuse to exit stage left: