jpyxx In September’s grand spectacle, MARA conjured 736 BTC ($88.6 million) from the digital ether-a 4.4% rise from August! This bounty claimed 5.2% of all block rewards, as the global hashrate soared like a caffeinated phoenix to 1,031 EH/s. Yet MARA, undaunted, secured 218 blocks (a 5% leap) while their Texan wind-powered lair hummed at 60.4 EH/s. Truly, they dance with hurricanes! 🌪️
According to the Financial Times, the UK government has ordered Apple to allow access to encrypted iCloud backups of British users. The renewed request differs from previous demands in that it limits access to UK-based accounts, but critics argue that the change still poses serious risks. 🤡
Bitcoin, the “king” of crypto, is a noble beast, yes, but one with the speed of a sloth on valium and the transaction fees of a gold-plated tollbooth. Its flaws? Let us list them like the plagues of Egypt:
In the first act of this three-phase tragicomedy, the native stablecoin USDG shall emerge, as inevitable as a bureaucrat’s procrastination. 🪙 Soon, they say! But when, dear reader, is “soon” in the land of blockchain? A week? A year? A millennium? Only the ether knows. 🤷♂️
The esteemed firm of Matrixport, ever the gossipmonger of crypto affairs, hath whispered on Friday that over two hundred billion dollars’ worth of these sprightly companies are dressing for the matrimonial ball of initial public offerings, poised to wed the public markets and raise a dowry of thirty to forty-five billion in gleaming capital. How delightful, one imagines the envy among lesser coins! 😉
And Story IP, with its own star token “$IP,” is waltzing to the center of this show, turning Korea’s $9.85B IP exports into programmable on‑chain assets. Crypto liquidity meets cultural IP, and the crowd goes, “Yessir!” All the buzz has marketers sharpening their pencils, wondering why Story IP is surging and where the grand finale goes next. 🎭💫
What to know, dear reader, as the world tilts on its axis: A man with a penchant for red hats and red lines proposes to distribute “tariff dividends”-$2,000 per American-while the altcoin market simmers with the ambition of a thousand underdogs. Is this the dawn of a new financial epoch, or merely a circus act with crypto confetti? Let us ponder.
Bitcoin futures traders are acting like they’ve never seen a bear market-because they’ve all retired to the Bahamas. 🏖️
At the Token 2049 event in Singapore, Tether co-founder Reeve Collins said that he expects every fiat currency to become a stablecoin by 2030. “Even fiat currency will be a stablecoin. It’ll just be called dollars, euros, or yen,” Collins said. Oh, the audacity! Calling them dollars, yet they’re just digital ghosts of their former selves. 🤡
A 12% surge, you say? The stars align-whales, momentum, and the cryptic whispers of the charts all point to a spectacle. But beware, dear reader, for in this theater of numbers, nothing is quite as it seems. 🎭
