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Ah, Multiplifi, the DeFi protocol that’s been busier than a dwarf in a gold mine, has seen its total value locked (TVL) skyrocket to nearly $187 million. And no, it wasn’t because someone accidentally dropped their life savings into the wrong wallet. This was a deliberate, institutional-sized splash, thanks to tokenized real-world assets waltzing onto the platform faster than a troll chasing a free lunch.

Senator Cynthia Lummis confirmed the fanciful progress in a post on X, proclaiming the committee’s vote a “one step closer” to tipping the bill into the president’s desk-like a reluctant admirer placing a garment on the doorman.

Oh, but hold your horses! In just the last 24 hours, RIVER has decided to take a nosedive, dropping a cool 13%. Liquidity is packing its bags and leaving the market faster than a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

The situation grew tenser than a cat in a room full of rocking chairs when President Trump decided to throw a tariff tantrum. His escalating drama sent ripples through the market, prompting investors to scurry toward safety like mice fleeing a hungry cat. And lo and behold, the question echoed through the halls: Are these tariffs giving XRP a swift kick where it hurts?

Hotard shows up just as Brussels is tinkering with its cybersecurity rules like a cheerful aunt adjusting the curtains: a bit of prudence, a splash of caution, and a strong belief that the neighbor’s Huawei gear should probably go to a different party. The European Commission proposed revisions to the EU Cybersecurity Act that would force operators to phase out equipment from “high‑risk” suppliers within 36 months. Huawei, for its part, argues the move is discriminatory and disproportionate, which is a fancy way of saying, “We don’t like being the bad guys in the story.”

Key takeaways (because we know you’re skimming):

Whispers from the findings say inflows from illicit entities into crypto swelled by about 145% year over year, a dramatic revival after years of pretending nothing happened in the accounting department.

In a move as bold as wearing sequins to brunch, Pump.fun has enlisted advisors from the lofty echelons of crypto – a list so long it rivals the guest list of a Gatsby party hosted by Vitalik Buterin in a tuxedo made of NFTs. Polymarket’s prognosticators, Delphi Digital’s soothsayers, Pantera’s high priests of capital – all summoned to bless the unwashed masses of startupdom.

Kendrick, the doyen of digital assets research, declares that by the end of 2008-good heavens, what a year to choose!-$500 billion may flee U.S. banks as customers, ever so chic, plug their capital into the crypto ecosystem. Bloomberg reports, of course, with all the drama of a society gossip column.

“Bitcoin, with its mouth agape in silent repose, bears a resemblance more to quiet Chapayev Square than to the bustling bazaar of one moonless dreamscape. Upside momentum demands volatility like peas demand carrots in a beloved samovar.”