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Nasdaq’s President, Tal Cohen, took to LinkedIn-that modern-day salon of thought-to proclaim the virtues of this integration. “Less friction, faster settlements, and automated processes,” she declared, as if conjuring a utopia where traders no longer need their afternoon tea to steady their nerves. Cohen, ever the pragmatist, assured the world that this venture would “leverage the strengths of US equities” while “scaling blockchain benefits responsibly.” One can almost hear the ghost of Turgenev chuckling at such lofty ambitions. 😏

Ah, but let us reflect on Ethereum’s latest rally-a spectacle of strength, they say. According to ShayanMarkets, a contributor to CryptoQuant, Ethereum’s funding rates resemble a lazy river compared to the roaring torrents of its previous highs. Back in early 2024, when ETH funding rates soared to 0.8, the market was drunk on leverage and speculation. The result? A price collapse as inevitable as gravity itself.

Since September 8th, registered users can now spend their hard-earned points-acquired by doing… well, stuff on the platform-on an assortment of “special rewards,” which, by all accounts, are probably better than a tin of expired biscuits but sadly not quite a trip to the Moon (yet). 🚀

According to the legal scrolls-filed on May 12, right after Mashinsky’s fate was sealed by the mighty gavel of justice-he’s expected to check in with authorities no later than 2:00 pm ET on Friday. The clock is ticking, Alex! ⏰

Bitcoin might hit $115k, then $120k, but those whales are selling like it’s Black Friday. 🛒🐳 Upside? Capped. Near term? Meh. 🤷‍♂️

So apparently, when people get nervous, they flock to big names like Bitcoin, Ether, and XRP instead of dabbling in those random altcoins that no one can pronounce. According to Santiment (whoever they are), this behavior screams caution. I mean, who knew traders could be such drama queens?

🤝 In a move that screams “Wall Street meets Silicon Valley,” Eightco appointed the legendary Dan Ives as Chairman of the Board. Yes, THAT Dan Ives! He’s swapping his analyst hat for a chairman’s crown, and he’s as excited as I am when someone says, “Let’s do a sequel!” 🎬 Dan gushed, “AI gives us infinite abundance, but Worldcoin gives us infinite trust-and a chance to prove we’re not robots!” 🤖✋

U.S. equity futures went up this week because the Nonfarm Payrolls (NFP) report showed only 22,000 new jobs, which is way below the 75,000 everyone was expecting. So, the market is like, “Great, fewer jobs, let’s buy more stocks!” And the Fed is probably thinking about cutting rates again. Traders are betting on 72 basis points of easing before the end of the year. Like, who wouldn’t want lower interest rates, right?

Now, hold onto your hats: Bitcoin’s hanging in there at $112,226 with a 24-hour trading volume of $33.73 billion. It managed a modest 0.92% bump yesterday. You know, like when you try to make a salad and end up adding too much dressing. Ethereum’s doing its thing too, creeping up by 0.74%, bringing it to $4,334.15 with $26.30 billion in volume. So yeah, it’s like a family reunion where everyone’s just… showing up. 🙃

Bitcoin, that fickle siren, climbed 1.4% to over $112,600, its rally fueled by the voracious appetite of institutions. Yet, let us not forget the sell pressure from large holders, who, like wary merchants, seek to lighten their burdens. 📈