jpyxx

Alas, the Bitcoin ETFs were quite the wallflowers at this gathering, experiencing an outflow of $94.00 million-a sum that would make even the most frugal spinster blush. Only two of these funds engaged in the most unbecoming sell-offs: Grayscale GBTC, with withdrawals of $82.90 million, and Invesco BTCO, with a mere $11.10 million. Not a single gain was to be had, and their total trading value sank to $4.55 billion, with net assets of $152.66 billion-a mere 6.82% of the Bitcoin market cap. How very unbecoming! 😱

However, investor sentiment and market conditions will now determine whether Bitcoin can sustain this level or risk entering a prolonged correction phase. Good luck; if you need it.

Let us not forget the dark days of mid-September, when the bridge was shackled like a dissident in a capitalist regime. A validator-key compromise-a betrayal of trust!-allowed a malicious exit on the PoS bridge, draining assets like a factory owner exploiting his workers. 🦹‍♂️💰 Dhairya, in a September 21 manifesto, revealed the grim details: “On September 12, 2025, at 18:44 UTC, the enemy struck, using unauthorized signing power to withdraw multiple assets.” But fear not! The collective sprang into action, implementing containment measures and a hardening program that would make even the most hardened revolutionary proud. 🛠️🔒

Atkins, in a moment of rare candor, speaks of crafting a regulatory framework to lure innovation and capital back to the United States. One can almost hear the collective sigh of relief from American blockchain projects, exiled to foreign shores by the SEC’s previous penchant for ambiguity and litigation. Could this be the dawn of a new era, or merely another chapter in the grand farce of regulatory theater? Only time will tell, though one cannot help but chuckle at the irony of the SEC’s belated epiphany. 😏

ETH did its best impression of a nervous first date this week, briefly dipping below $4,000 before settling around $4,100 like it meant to do that. Analysts-those modern-day carnival fortune tellers-say this “pullback” (read: mild panic) is actually a “buy zone” because apparently, everything’s a “buy zone” until it’s not. 🎢

Bitcoin’s recent performance is a masterclass in how to lag behind gold and silver while still pretending you’re winning. Gold? Record highs. Silver? Also record highs. Bitcoin? Just… hovering near $111,500 like it’s waiting for a taxi in the middle of a desert. Meanwhile, ether and XRP are down 3%, and solana/dogecoin are doing the crypto equivalent of a clumsy interpretive dance. The universe is a glitch in the matrix, and we’re all just trying to cash out before it crashes.

Leading this brave new world is Jamie Walker, a seasoned veteran of the payment wars. With 20 years under his belt, Jamie will juggle this new responsibility while still holding the reigns of Merchant Payment Services. Because why not do it all? 👑

Founded by Palmer Luckey and Joe Lonsdale with backing from Peter Thiel’s Founders Fund, Erebor aims to fill the void left by Silicon Valley Bank’s collapse in 2023. Presumably, they’re hoping to avoid similar levels of chaos by employing slightly better risk management-or at least better PR.

The farce was all the more piquant given that PYUSD is pegged to the U.S. dollar at a ratio of 1:1, and Paxos, that bastion of crypto respectability, was at the helm. To put this in perspective, the largest stablecoin, Tether USDT, boasts a market cap of a mere $180 billion, while PYUSD’s fully diluted valuation hovers around $2.32 billion. One wonders if Paxos was merely testing the limits of absurdity or if this was a sly commentary on the excesses of the financial world. 🤡📈

US spot demand on Coinbase keeps Bitcoin anchored above $110,000. A triumph of greed over reason. 🧠💸