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This whole plan got louder this week when Governor Johnson Asiama – a very important man, very important! – started yapping about sending a bill to parliament and building a whole *unit* inside the bank just to watch the digital assets. A whole unit! As if they don’t have enough paperwork already! 🙄
In a missive on the fateful Friday, October 17, Burniske scribbled that this cycle “hath been a disappointment most foul,” a sentiment that “paralyzeth action as souls pine for bluer skies, or the glory of former ATHs.” 🌩️ He urged investors to think in linear monthly terms, eschewing the “chart minutiae” that doth drive men to madness. “MSTR slippeth, gold sendeth a dire warning, as do the credit markets, and stocks shall be the last to grasp the message…” he added, with a dramatic flourish. “I yearn to witness how $BTC respondeth to $100K, but perchance I shall return to the fray when $BTC doth plummet to $75K or lower.” The post, a spectacle of woe, garnered 50.2K views, a testament to its tragic allure.
According to Bloomberg (which, let’s be honest, probably needed a story after running out of things to say about airline food), they’ll be buying up “medium-sized” crypto firms. Apparently, the small ones are too chaotic, and the big ones are…well, probably already bought up by someone else with too much money. Akshat Vaidya, Maelstrom’s co-founder, says they’ll be throwing around $40-$75 million a year on companies that do “essential services.” Like what, making sure all the servers are plugged in? 🤔
The state of Florida is going to extremes with a new legislative proposal. House Bill 183 (HB 183) is aimed at permitting the Chief Financial Officer (CFO) and the pension board in the state to invest in bitcoin and exchange-traded funds (ETFs) up to 10 percent of identified funds in the state. 🐢⚡
On Friday, October 17, the ever-watchful Whale Alert posted a spectacle of chaos: over 106 million XRP transferred from unknown wallets straight to Coinbase – that reputable haven of stability. Or so it seems. The two giant transactions-roughly 53 million XRP each-are worth more than most people’s annual income (or so we wish), totaling a staggering $242 million. Talk about a fire sale! And if you’re wondering, yes, some think this is whales deciding to hedge their bets or just binging on the market’s misery. 🐋💥
But lo and behold, amidst the chaos, some clever analysts-probably sipping tea and stroking their longbeards-are pointing to ancient market patterns, cycles that repeat like bad soap operas. If history is any guide (and it often is, in the wild crypto jungle), a meteoric rise might be lurking just around the corner, penciled in at a majestic $7. Because what’s better than a billionaire’s fantasy, right? 🚀
Oh, and they’re buying a Nasdaq-listed company to make it all official. Because nothing says “we’re serious” like acquiring a company. They’ve already got $1B in commitments, including $200M from Li’s Avenir Capital and $500M from regional big shots like HongShan Capital. Talks are still happening, but expect a fancy announcement soon. 🗣️
It appears the market’s support is about as reliable as a broken umbrella in a rainstorm. Still, someone out there is apparently convinced things might turn around-perhaps the same folks who believe in magic or just love gambling with their coffee money. 🎲
At the All Core Devs Consensus (ACDC) babble-fest on the 16th of October, these ingenious folks-nay, these wizards of wires-did proclaim that Fusaka would prance onto the Hoodi stage, a veritable mirror of the mainnet’s antics, as if preparing for a masquerade where the masks are data and the dances are blocks. 💃😂
At this hour of reckoning, the poor creature trades at a paltry $0.1825, a 7.13% decline in the last 24 hours. The broader crypto market, ever the dramatic prima donna, mirrors the woes of Wall Street, where bankers wring their hands over trade tensions and the specter of a government shutdown looms like a particularly tedious dinner party guest. 🏦🤡
