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Antoni, in a Fox pow-wow, dropped the bombshell mere days after Trump gave former BLS Commissioner Erika McEntarfer the old heave-ho-apparently, her tenure lasted about as long as a snowball in July. “All things considered,” Antoni mused, “it’s better the BLS keep its lips zipped on those monthly reports, unless they fancy being corrected in public!” Instead, he suggests publishing quarterly data, which, like a vintage port, may be less sprightly but has more substance and fewer surprises. 🍷

For half a decade Ripple dragged the albatross of litigation around its neck, a chain forged link by link from injunctions, subpoenas, and the cheerful billing of a thousand suited hyenas. But Friday arrived with bureaucratic mercy: a “special waiver” that sounds less like a legal document and more like a VIP pass to the crypto disco-no cover charge for accredited investors tonight! 🕺

Oh, Sonic Labs, you sneaky little innovators! They’ve gone ahead and launched their latest testnet, version 2.1, which is like strapping a jet engine to a tortoise. This update brings compatibility with Ethereum’s upcoming Pectra upgrade (yes, they’re cozying up to Ethereum like long-lost cousins). The result? A layer-1 blockchain so cutting-edge it might just slice through your expectations. Developers are practically frothing at the mouth, ready to dive into this playground of possibilities. And let’s not forget-the mainnet launch is looming like a delicious dessert after a long dinner. Yum. 🍰

Donald Trump Jr., with the fervor of a true believer, proclaimed this endeavor a “true breakthrough,” his words dripping with the kind of sincerity one reserves for late-night infomercials. He extolled the planned integration of WLFI’s stablecoin with ALT5’s treasury strategy, a union as harmonious as a marriage of convenience. “Fully invested,” he declared, he and his brother, in driving this juggernaut forward, their sights set on nothing less than “global governance reach and liquidity.” Ah, the sweet delusions of grandeur! 🌍💸

Meanwhile, Google and IBM-because why have just one giant tech giant when you can have two-have been flashing progress updates faster than a toddler on sugar. Google’s Willow chip managed to solve a problem in less than five minutes that would make any classical supercomputer stare at its circuits in bewilderment, and IBM’s roadmap suggests we’re on a journey to build “Blue Jay,” which sounds adorable but probably involves a lot of very complicated engineering.

Peirce, ever the pragmatist, insisted that the SEC’s existing authority was not a frayed rope ladder but a sturdy scaffold of regulation. “We have a quill and parchment, and we shall inscribe the future,” she intoned, as if channeling the ghost of a 19th-century bureaucrat.

Кто сказал, что деньги не пахнут? А мой дед говаривал, что они пахнут копотью и жадностью. Вот и Sequans, хватаясь за каждый луч надежды на новый высший пик, прибавил 13 BTC к своей империи. Заплачено по $117 тысяч за штуку – сумма, за которой простому трудяге остаётся только украдкой плакать в подушку. 😭

A slight dip from the first quarter’s 93%, you say? Ah, the equities and other trading segments stir, like minor characters vying for attention in a grand drama. But let us not be fooled-crypto remains the star, albeit with a touch of the ridiculous.

Qubic, that cheeky little project led by Sergey Ivancheglo, claims to have seized more than 51% of the network’s hashrate. In the world of proof-of-work blockchains (the same method Bitcoin uses, mind you), such control can allow a villain to rewrite transaction history, block transactions, or even pull off double-spend shenanigans. Oh, the drama! 🎭

According to whispers fluttering out to CryptoPotato-probably by a very caffeinated intern-Transak, the brains behind fiat-to-crypto wizardry, has draped itself in the financial equivalent of a three-piece suit stitched from dollar signs. The investors? Tether, the stablecoin kingpin who dreams of being the digital fountain of youth, and IDG Capital, the venture capitalist equivalent of a sneaky fox selling dream carpets.