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On a rather unremarkable Wednesday, a16z and the DeFi Education Fund, in a display of camaraderie that would make even the most stoic of hearts flutter, dispatched a letter to the esteemed SEC Commissioner Hester Peirce. They implored the regulatory body to grant an exemption to dApp developers from the burdensome rules that govern broker-dealers. Ah, the sweet scent of freedom wafting through the air! 🌬️

So, naturally, Eric, in his infinite wisdom, has turned to Ethereum like it’s the financial equivalent of a trendy avocado toast. 🥑💸 Because, of course, when the banks slam the door in your face, why not just become your own financial guru and start promoting cryptocurrency as if it’s the solution to world peace? 🤷‍♂️

The 14-page complaint, filed with all the drama of a courtroom thriller, alleges that this saga started when Bloomberg, apparently looking to add a bit of spice to its Billionaires Index (which, by the way, tracks the world’s 500 richest people-nothing too impressive, just 500 people who could probably buy your city), wanted Sun’s financial secrets. Sun agreed to spill the beans only after Bloomberg promised, in writing and over coffee or whatever, that his crypto holdings would remain top-secret. Cross our hearts and hope to be hacked, right?

Market data, that ever-watchful guardian, reveals that traders are peering through their crystal balls at this price point, recalling its significance during the melodrama of July. Recent musings from the illustrious CryptoQuant contributor, Arab Chain, unveil that Bitcoin’s open interest (OI) on Binance has ballooned to a staggering $13.7 billion, inching ever closer to the highs of mid-to-late July. Oh, the suspense!

These rather enlightening metrics from 2024 reveal a rather amusing divergence between Litecoin’s potential and its current market cap. One mustn’t forget that Litecoin is practically the elder statesman of the altcoin family, having been birthed shortly after Bitcoin. The number of transactions on the Litecoin network is a mere half of those on Bitcoin’s illustrious platform. Now, while a higher transaction count does not necessarily equate to a more valuable asset-after all, Bitcoin still reigns supreme in the USD transaction volume and as a store of value-it does suggest that the Litecoin blockchain is, at the very least, not gathering dust.

Seems 1.2 million ETH packed up and left the big crypto exchanges this month. Burakkesmeci, one of those fencepost prophets (armed with spreadsheets, not whisky), says the uptrend has legs. Ethereum’s price has gone up 53.8% in thirty days. Numbers like that get folks remembering the last time the crops were good. ETH was scraping $1,500 in April, and now it’s three times that-maybe a sign, maybe a prank.

In these sleek glass corridors somewhere between the fog of Vancouver and the shimmering desert mirage of Manama, the men in pressed suits speak of synergy, a word to make one’s illiterate grandfather mutter, “A fancy noose for the lamb.” Aquanow, baptized in the digital tide, clasps hands with SGB-an acronym undoubtedly cooked up by committee to sound reassuring, like SOS spelled backward. They promise:
1. Conversion of airy tokens into respectable dollars, no Sabbath observed. 🥱
2. Real-time SWIFT flurries (which means: telegrams now travel faster than despair-who knew?). 🕴️
3. Fully regulated USD bank accounts, because nothing soothes suspicion like a row of compliant ledgers.

The recent CPI data, which fell short of expectations by a margin that would make a magician blush, has sparked a flurry of speculation about the Fed’s next move. Will they cut rates? Probably. Will it make Bitcoin surge? Almost certainly. The market, it seems, is a fickle lover, easily seduced by the promise of inflation and the scent of legal drama. 💼

On August 13, the U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) dropped a bombshell alert about this elaborate scam. These fraudsters are impersonating lawyers and law firms, going after people who have already lost money to cryptocurrency schemes. They claim they can recover stolen funds through legal channels, often citing made-up government partnerships or fake agencies like the “International Financial Trading Commission.” Can you believe that? 🙄

Bons, bless his heart, framed his analysis around what he calls the annual “security budget”-a fancy term for how much it’d cost to throw a wrench in the works. For proof-of-work chains, he figured the cost of a 51% attack as a function of miner revenues from issuance and fees. For proof-of-stake chains, he treated the attack cost as a function of market capitalization, fees, and inflation, adjusted by the share of tokens staked and a 33% attack threshold. It’s like trying to compare apples and orangutans, but he gave it the old college try. 🍎🦧