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Claiming the distinction as the first Nasdaq-listed outfit to build a corporate treasury policy around Chainlink, CaliberCos politely called their inaugural LINK purchase a “system test.” Translation: “We’re trying not to blow anything up just yet.” They plan to pile on more tokens gradually, funded by what sounds like a financial cocktail of equity lines of credit, cash stashed under the mattress, and equity-based securities.

The latest proposal from Ethena is serving pure drama by positioning USDH as “Hyperliquid-first.” It’s backed 100% by USDtb, which, darling, is nestled snugly in Blackrock’s BUIDL fund via Securitize. Robert Mitchnick, Blackrock’s head of digital assets, quipped:

These ain’t your grandpappy’s futures, though. Cboe’s concocting perpetual-style contracts that stretch out like a desert highway-up to 10 years, no less. Cash-settled, mind you, so no one’s lugging sacks of digital coins around. They’ll be pegged to spot prices with daily tweaks, a funding rate dance as transparent as a saloon’s whiskey glass. 🥃

On the digital steppe of X posts, Jungle revealed his musings. Imagine, if you will, a spot XRP ETF-approved not merely to tickle the pockets of the mundane investor but to fundamentally twist the very spirit and behavior of the altcoin’s market dance. The ghost of Bitcoin’s past loomed large, especially in the aftermath of BlackRock’s Bitcoin ETF IBIT, which turned turbulence into an uneasy new stability.

Giwa, or as they so poetically call it, “Global Infrastructure for Web3 Access,” promises to untangle the Gordian Knot of Ethereum’s sluggish transactions. Imagine this: blocks processed every single second. Yes, dear reader, your transactions shall now be faster than a Victorian aristocrat fleeing a scandal. What a time to be alive!

Let’s talk numbers for a second. Pi Coin (PI) is currently chilling at $0.3427, which is basically where it’s been hanging out lately. It’s not exactly setting records here-it’s way down from its peak of $3. But hey, at least it’s above the year-to-date low. Baby steps, right? 👶📉

One culprit lurks in the shadows of DeFi, where borrowing reigns supreme. At press time, DeFi’s total value locked (TVL) stands at $152 billion, with nearly $49 billion borrowed across protocols. Imagine a lending pool needing $123 billion in deposits to support $49 billion in loans-a staggering 81% of the total TVL. But remember, this is DeFi, where numbers are as reliable as a fortune teller’s predictions. 🪄

In the latest episode of “Tech that sounds more complicated than it actually is,” Coinbase (yes, that Coinbase) is diving headfirst into the world of AI and cryptocurrency, like a dog into a lake. The new ecosystem blends stablecoin micropayments with AI agents-basically, it’s a crypto shopping spree for your virtual assistant. If you’ve ever thought, “I wish my AI could pay for things on my behalf,” well, guess what? Your wish has been granted, and it’s more efficient than a caffeinated squirrel.

Buenos Aires voted, the Libertarian manifesto was politely shown the door, and the peso responded by attempting its best impression of a parachutist with the cord tangled. The ingeniously named fixed bands flotation rate system, which sounds like something conjured by an accountant after two bottles of Malbec, now teeters on the brink.

The Omaha-based company, listed on the NYSE American under the ticker ZONE, announced that this purchase has made its dogecoin (DOGE) Treasury the largest single digital asset treasury holding dogecoin in less than a week. And if you think that’s ambitious, just wait till you hear their next goal: accumulating a cool 1 billion dogecoin within the next 30 days. That’s right, folks, they’re not just dipping their toes; they’re planning to dive headfirst into the crypto pool. 🏊‍♂️