jpyxx The total altcoin market cap (excluding ETH, because apparently it’s too cool for this party) gained a staggering $126 billion in Q2. Yes, billion with a “B” — it’s enough to make yourETF look like chump change! 💰🙄
Our dear FIFA, the venerable organization known for their athletic prowess, saw their digital doppelgänger—a mere penny’s worth—soar by a staggering 67% in just a fleeting moment. Yet, like the fickle mistress Fortune, it plummeted more than 58% in the span of a single day! Quelle surprise! According to the wise CoinMarketCap, this jesters’ coin doth trade at the modest sum of $0.000000259, and quickly gained fame amid whispers that it was tied to FIFA’s noble web3 endeavors. Alas, no proof was found—merely idle rumors and hopes dashed upon the digital rocks.
Originally known for crafting traditional timepieces, this Nasdaq-listed firm is now transitioning from its heritage-centric business approach to embrace a versatile Web3 role. It’s now concentrating on ventures related to digital assets and treasury management, expanding its focus across the Asian region.
Once hailed as pioneers, swathes of funds flowed into the enticing allure of Bitcoin ETFs—those digital castles in the sky—only for the Wisconsonians to suddenly have a change of heart a mere year after their flirtation. The question remains: why bid farewell to such a hefty fortune? Perhaps disappointment at Bitcoin’s refusal to turn into digital gold or simply a desire to diversify their portfolio of questionable investment decisions.
Bitfinex margin longs have taken a nosedive of 18%, despite Bitcoin’s 24% dance in the last month. Maybe they’re just tired? Or trying to look cool by pretending to be cautious.
For over a week now, Bitcoin’s been playing a game of ‘don’t look, don’t look,’ wedged snugly between the lofty peak of $105,000 and the humble valley of $100,700. It’s a proper little Yorkshire pudding of a price—fluffy and rising, then deflating—without any real movement. The traders are like a bunch of nervous Nellies, eyeballing one another, waiting for the big bang that might turn this snooze fest into a fireworks display. And, dear reader, if history’s anything to go by, such tense moments are often preludes to the sort of dramatic upheaval that makes the Queen’s Head look like a bank vault. 🍸
Following their masterstroke of financial genius on May 16, the Singapore-based healthcare giant announced it was “in advanced discussions” (which in corporate speak basically means they’re making it up as they go) with a merry band of investors and wealthy individuals eager to swap shares for a shiny, digital future. All in the hope of building “one of the strongest balance sheets among Asia-focused healthcare providers” — a phrase that sounds suspiciously like a euphemism for financial wizardry involving unsolvable puzzles and very expensive magic tricks.
According to the wise folk at World Liberty, Chainlink co-founder Sergey Nazarov, and Eric Trump—son of the President—the token’s newfound freedom was revealed at Consensus 2025, a meeting where all things crypto and perhaps a little bit of chaos collide.
Some have drawn parallels between the current event and World Liberty’s alleged ETH sale, which occurred when the price hit its lowest point over a three-month span. However, despite today’s transaction appearing peculiar, no proof of wrongdoing or insider trading has been presented as of yet.
On the social media jungles, a chorus of claims roared: Ukraine intends to amass a colossal cryptocurrency hoard — or so they say. Incrypted, that digital gossip box, cited Yaroslav Zhelezniak—Deputy Chairman of some Finance Club—who barely spilled the beans, murmuring:
