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Announced on July 9, 2025, this launch introduces the first decentralized data layer on the network, designed specifically for those enterprise-grade applications that have been feeling a bit neglected. 🤔
Adding to the mix—like a chef who’s lost control of the spice rack—President Trump hopped onto Truth Social to shout energetically (and in ALL CAPS, obviously) about digital assets and stock market records. He accompanied this with another request for the Federal Reserve to slash interest rates, presumably to keep the stock market lurching along like a caffeinated kangaroo.
Associate Justice Minister Nicole McKee has announced that the government is taking further steps to overhaul the nation’s anti-money laundering and counter-terrorism financing (AML/CFT) regime. 🚨 The objective? To prevent criminal misuse of the financial system while bringing more clarity and consistency for businesses. 🏦
Apparently, Trump said something, and suddenly everyone’s like, “Oh, yeah! Let’s put all our money in Bitcoin!” 🤑 I mean, it’s not like he’s a financial genius or anything (have you seen his hair? 😂). But hey, a 2.1% jump is a 2.1% jump, right? 📈
The first phase of this grand experiment is already up and running. Perplexity is now using Coinbase’s market data, including the COIN50 index, to break down crypto price movements. This data is available through Comet, Perplexity’s new AI-powered web browser. It’s like having a financial wizard in your pocket, minus the wand and the pointy hat. 🧙♂️
Volume spiked 165% above the daily average, confirming that the bulls were feeling pretty good about themselves. Now, ATOM is taking a breather between $4.31 and $4.35, with declining volume suggesting it’s gearing up for its next big move. 🏃♂️
According to the human calculators at CoinGlass, a jaw-dropping $575 million in short positions evaporated in the last 24 hours. Yes, that’s right—a small fortune poofed so quickly, the only trace is a weird feeling of regret and a suspiciously high number of new memes clogging up Discord servers. 🍟💸
Hayes, ever the jester-king, lobbed his prediction of ETH to $10,000 in a post so flamboyant the censors must have blushed. For evidence, he offered a chart (those sacred scrolls of modern clerics) showing Ethereum shaking off its lethargy. The ETH/BTC pair, battered and bruised, is crawling off historic lows—like a convict glimpsing freedom through barbed wire.
As the leading Democrat on the Senate Banking Committee, Warren has been a vocal critic of the crypto industry, a sector she views with the same suspicion one might reserve for a plate of mystery meat. Her forthcoming principles aim to create a regulatory environment that protects consumers and the traditional financial system, much like a mother hen guarding her chicks from a particularly cunning fox. 🦊
Still, the crowd is buzzing: all it takes is one “erase a zero” meme and you’ve got crypto bros foaming at the mouth. Floki’s been ping-ponging between $0.00008927 and $0.00009483. Not exactly breaking Bad, more like Breaking Even.